I have been doing a lot of personality studying lately, and one thing I really noticed about myself is I’m pretty conditioned to doing things for other people’s approval.

I never really realized it before, but after studying the eneagram (more posts coming soon on that), it was quite fascinating to see just how much I do so other people may like me.

I never realized approval was the reason for my doing nice things but after learning the eneagram it became very apparent.

Truthfully I know most people do this at one level or another, but I’m not OK with being “most people” – I want to push myself as much as possible.

After learning the eneagram I started to watch my patterns from an observer’s standpoint without shame or judgment attached. It was very interesting to realize not only do I expect everyone to like me,  but if they don’t, I tend to want nothing to do with them.

That’s a shame since people who dislike me are probably the ones I could learn the most from (and they, me).

When my mentor Piperlyne shared the poem “The Invitation” with me yesterday, it seemed to fit everything I have been thinking about lately. I had seen it before but it never spoke to me on such a soul-screaming level as it does now.

I am using this poem to remember:

• Even if I already committed to something I have the right to change my mind (And not think of myself as a liar.)
• It’s OK to put myself before others (And I’m really just taking the easy way out by putting others first.)
• What other people think about me really doesn’t need to concern me. I can learn from it or I can ignore it – but I definitely don’t need to personalize it.
• When talking to people I should talk about what *I* feel. I no longer choose to watch people’s facial expressions and body language to gauge approval/disapproval and move the conversation accordingly.
• It is not “spiritual” to put other’s in front of me all the time. In fact it’s pretty fake and not at all honoring my highest self.
• I can still be nice to others. It’s just that it needs to come from a place of wanting to do it for the love of them/the world and not for approval.
• Sitting in pain is FINE and not something I need to hide from. I am allowed to feel sad, angry, or hurt and it’s a beautiful thing.
• It’s perfectly OK to look like a fool =)

Without further ado, here’s the amazing poem:

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

WARNING: If you did not yet do this exercise, please do it NOW.

If you read this post before doing the exercise, you’ll lose all benefit of it. It only takes 5 minutes and can give you tremendous insight – so please go do it NOW!

Keep reading ONLY IF YOU’VE DONE THE EXERCISE…

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Okay, so as I mentioned, Eben mentioned that Joe Polish taught him this exercise, and it’s supposed to reveal your life purpose.

The top 3 things are things you need to accept and develop, and the bottom 3 are your shadows – things that exist in yourself but you don’t yet want to recognize.

If you write “liar” for example, remember that it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lying to others (though that could be true) – it could also mean you lie to yourself.

Here Were My Results:

The 3 people I admired were:

Mother Teresa – unwavering faith, dedication to goal

Albert Einstein – open-mindedness and intelligence

Piperlyne (my mentor) – not accepting fear, being OK in the face of anything

I thought and thought and could only come up with 2 people I didn’t like:

A popular “guru” that I’ll leave nameless – scammy, willing to do anything for money, doesn’t care about people

A copywriting client I once worked with  – unnecessarily aggressive, liar

After I Saw My “Shadows”, I Had To Do A Double Take.

I thought, “I care about people! How could that make sense?”

Then it hit me. Hard.

I’ve been telling people I want to get out of internet marketing for years now. Being totally transparent, the whole “make-money” market kind of disgusts me most of the time.

My pattern has been that I’ll want to get out, think of a new idea that can make a good amount of money and “help people”, and convince myself that if I’m helping people, it’s OK.

Don’t get me wrong here – I believe in the products I put out, knew they worked, etc… but still – those products are NOT my greatest gift to the world. At all.

After doing the exercise I realized that putting out 99% of my make-money products is not coming from my heart. A factor is helping people, yes, but there’s also the factor of wanting instant money without having to do that much work. It’s amazing how so many people just automatically buy products without even thinking about it, and it’s beyond easy to make 5-6 figures with a good information product.

Then I started thinking…

How Can I Feel Good In A Market That Disgusts Me So Much?

My first thought was, “I know I can still help people with some of my products.  How can I do it from a heart-centered place? Or do I even WANT to?”

The first thing I thought of was to do more webinars and teleseminars so I could follow up with people to ensure their success. After thinking about that though, I realized I really don’t want to tie myself down to any weekly commitments.

Then I started thinking… why do I make products in the make-money niche?

I had a few answers:

• Good money
• Helping people
• I love when people tell me they quit their jobs
  -

And I asked, why do I hate the make-money niche?

• Feels sleazy often
• Many people hand me money they need in order to get something they’ll never use
• I would hate if someone I just met were to Google me and see long-form sales letters that just scream of “Scam” (even though they’re not.)
• Making money is important when you’re in survival mode, sure… but it’s not that big of a deal once you’re “comfortable”. There are a lot more important (in my mind) things that could be done to help the world – such as having people do nice things for others, inspiring people to push themselves, and really pushing their SPIRIT.
  -

I also realized I usually put out the make-money products when I’m in survival mode (bank account getting low, want to pay for something, whatever). Sure, I could do the offline tactics that I teach, and they work – but internet marketing is pushbutton. Put out a product, put a price tag on it, send it to the list, and bam – tons of instant money.

Again I want to be clear here that I NEVER put out crap and really worked hard to ensure quality – but still – the point is, it wasn’t coming from a super-heart-centered place, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.

So if I ever do internet marketing again…

Here’s My Commitment To You:

I don’t even know if I will make a “make-money” product ever again.

If I do, though, it will be different.

Every product I have will have an application process with a few questions people need to answer in order to get the product. I feel this step alone will knock off 50% of people who just buy on autopilot without even thinking about what they’re doing.

If my assistant and I approve the application, I will give access to the product for free and then the customer will pay what they feel it’s worth.

If they pay nothing, it means they never went through the product. That bans them for life on all my other products.

I may also allow people to do nice things for other people as payment.

This makes me a lot happier to do internet marketing products, *IF* I ever do them, because I work with only qualified people and will only hear from those who are actually going to do something with the information I teach.

I want to mention 2 things with this:

1. Nobody has this model yet. I may continue to recommend other people’s products that ask for a set price, and they will only be products I have used and 100% believe in. I will find these ON MY OWN, so marketers… please don’t send me joint venture requests any more.

2. I have already committed to an event series with several marketers to give in-person conferences. I will continue to do that, and those conferences will have a set price. I am continuing to do this because:

a) I already committed to it
b) The price is very inexpensive compared to the value
c) I will speak about outsourcing, which is something that I could believe in, since I know outsourcing gives people the power to live a more fun-filled life. It’s just not just about make-money rubbish.

I am also not sure if I plan on changing my old products out or not. As I think about it I will continue to keep the old prices up. Most of them are with partners and I don’t want to shove this down other people’s throats.

That being said, I don’t think I’ll be doing a lot of marketing any more. It’s just not that stellar to me.

My True Goal Is This:

I want to get 5,000 people (short-term) to post on my blog with something nice they did for the world.

THAT is something that gets me jazzed and pumped. It comes from my heart and aligns with the exercise.

For the next few weeks I need to focus full time on a specific short term goal I have, and when I’m done, I’ll be doing a ton of work on this blog.

I want to get it redesigned and have it tracking people who do nice things. There will be prize giveaways and other awesome motivations, and I’m super-excited to get those rolling out.

I feel it’s high-time I started doing what my heart and spirit want again, and NOT what my bank account feels good about.

While at Eben Pagan and Wyatt Woodsmall’s Personality Patterns seminar this week, I learned a PHENOMENAL exercise for learning a LOT about yourself.

It takes 5 minutes, is incredibly powerful, and will give you a tremendous amount of insight about yourself.

This changed my entire life (look for a follow up blog post shortly).

I’ll tell you exactly how to use this AFTER you do it, so for now, JUST DO IT.  Again – it only takes 5 minutes.

Step 1:

List out 3 people you really admire for one reason another. They can be living or dead, and you may only admire them for one specific reason (i.e. maybe you don’t love all of them, but you really admire one specific element about them).

List out a one-word reason (or reasons) on why you admire them so much, and you MUST do 3.

Step 2:

List out 3 people you despise. If you can’t think of anyone you despise, then anyone that brings up a negative feeling in you, or bad emotions. Again you don’t need to despise ALL of them – there just needs to be one part of them that you really, really don’t like.

Same deal – list out a one-word reason (or reasons) on why you despise them so much, and you MUST do 3.

Step 3:

Post your answers here on the blog. I will tell you what to do with them after you post them.

If you don’t want to give full names, then give initials or something.

I’ll post my answers in a follow-up blog post.