I just finished my first 3 days at Landmark (I have “graduation” tomorrow), so I figured I’d post a wrap-up to how my experience was.

First thing’s first… it took me a long time to get to the Forum. I had a lot of friends that went there and recommended it, but for every positive recommendation, there was an atrocious review online. I twittered that I was considering going once and got all kinds of warning messages back.

Nobody I knew personally had anything bad to say about it – but for some reason I just kept trusting the reviews. When I asked my friends who went about the mind control I kept reading about, they admitted there definitely was some. They also said since I know influence tactics well, I should go and just be cautious, but that the overall content was phenomenal.

In retrospect, even Warrior Camp – which lord knows I recommend wholeheartedly – had mind control tactics… most things like that do… but for some reason, I was just really bothered by it this time. I think it’s because my “I freaking hate to be manipulated” meter was up… whereas with other things, the mind control comes unexpectedly so I can’t be cautious in advance.

…had I not seen a blog post that Lori Painter made. She mentioned that someone who studied a LOT about psychology told her that in order to conquer her self worth issues, she needed to go to Landmark.

That was the final push for me to go, and so I signed up.

I am always looking to push myself to the next level, and self worth is something I could work on.

But before I tell you about that, in order to understand this post, you need to know the forum runs for a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then a Tuesday night “graduation”.

With that out of the way –

When I first got to the Forum, I went in with a different mindset than I ever have before. I was skeptical from the getgo. I was so on the lookout for mind control stuff that it was incredible. The first thing I did was count the chairs in each row, multiply by how many rows there were, and calculated how much money the seminar was bringing in. I analyzed every word the leader said. I felt like a detective.

Initially when I signed up for Landmark I had planned on staying the entire seminar duration. During Friday afternoon when we were asked to write down if we were able to commit to the whole seminar, I wrote down that there was a possibility I couldn’t stay that night. I figured I’d be bored and that the good stuff didn’t come till later on, because that’s what one of the reviews said.

Because we had assignments during each one of the breaks and dinner breaks, I ended up being finagled into staying that night. Our first dinner assignment was to go to dinner with some people from the forum. Once I committed to going with them, I felt like I needed to follow them back into the building when we got back from dinner.

To be honest, the entire theme of the weekend for me seemed to be committing in small chunks. On Friday I thought I wouldn’t go into the Friday night session, on Saturday I thought I might just quit, on Sunday I thought I wouldn’t go Sunday night, and it was today (Monday) that I decided I’d go to the Tuesday night graduation.

At the end of the day on Friday I decided…

I mean, you can justify anything about anything… but my “mind control meter” didn’t ring at all during Day 1.

On Day 2, I didn’t outright see anything mind control-y either. I mean, there is some talk about “enrollment” which is getting people on board with the possibilities you create, but anyone’s going to tell you to have people in your life that support your goals. It’s common sense.

During Day 2, something cool happened.

He mentioned that he read the reviews and went full-on discussing how the possibility that Landmark uses crazy mind control techniques, manipulates people, etc.

The Forum leader engaged him and talked to him for probably about an hour in front of everyone.

I definitely had the feeling that the leaders were trained for these kind of things since ours (Jeff) seemed to have an answer for everything. Regardless of that though, the answers were good (enough), with the exception of one (in my opinion).

It may be a small detail – one I would have never even picked up if I wasn’t so on the lookout – but I’ll mention it anyway.

The dude at the mic, in an attempt to explain why Landmark would have a reason to use mind control techniques, mentioned that Landmark obviously makes a lot of money.

Jeff started talking about how he said the same thing when he was a student, and that he mentioned it to the people he went to dinner with on the Saturday night of his forum. Apparently some guy he was at dinner with was the VP of Training at a Fortune 500 company and told him that he had studied through hundreds of training programs, and that if Jeff knew “the truth”, he’d be shocked.

Jeff talked about how the VP was talking about how he had been through hundreds of the best training programs, and when he found out the price of Landmark, he thought it was per hour. When he found out it wasn’t per hour, he thought it was per day… then was shocked when he found out it was per weekend.

Then he started mentioning overhead, and almost making it sound like Landmark was not making anything or possibly even losing money.

The guy at the mic mentioned that you could go on Wikipedia and go through a tour of the San Francisco headquarters, and how magnificent it looked. He said he didn’t care that Landmark made money, but he just wanted to acknowledge that they did. Jeff said, “Have you ever been inside of that building?” The way he said it was like the headquarters were crappy inside or something (which I do not, at all, in any way, shape or form, buy).

Jeff was clearly trying to paint a picture of Landmark not making that much money. Most people just accepted what he said, and I think they really believe that Landmark is almost some kind of charity. That’s easy though – most because most people accept any reason why. It’s the classic Xerox example from Influence – “Can I cut in front of you to make a copy because I need to make copies?”.

I think Landmark makes a ton of money, and that’s fine – but I just don’t like to hear it being denied. I know that they don’t charge that much, but it doesn’t mean they’re not profitable. I have one word for that rubbish: Wal-Mart.

Anyway, towards the end of Day 2, I started learning some stuff. I definitely think I was blocking myself a little bit because I just kept being so suspicious of everything… but I did learn some stuff and I was very happy.

I would not have recommended Landmark to anyone at that point, but I did learn some cool stuff and figured it wouldn’t have been a total waste of time and money if that was the best it got.

On Day 3, the course changed for me – a lot.

The content on Day 3 was AWESOME.

Of course, that’s also the day when some ‘mind control’ stuff happened, although in all honesty, it was no worse than a pitch at the end of a seminar.

After we got back from dinner on Sunday night, Jeff tried to have us share with a partner the “creation of a possibility” about how our graduation on Tuesday night could go. Because you can invite people who haven’t yet been to Landmark on Tuesday (it’s when they recruit the new people), people were getting up and shared stuff like “I am creating the possibility of enrolling a million people and spreading the love”.

When I had to share – even after I had learned some AWESOME STUFF – I was still very cautious and on guard for mind control. I told my partner, “Sorry, but I’m not creating any possibility. I’m not bringing any friends, and I don’t think I got enough out of Landmark to recommend it.”

At that point I was also 99% sure I would NOT go to graduation. Despite the fact that I learned a lot and got an amazing new perspective change, I was still on guard and almost resentful of the forum. I figured mind control was looming around the corner, and since I hadn’t seen it yet, it was coming at any minute.

(I am normally not a conspiracist like this! … in fact, I’m usually the opposite.)

Today is Monday morning. When people asked me how I liked my experience, I told them I didn’t want to give them any judgments until a month or so down the line. I told them I wanted to see how much I implemented before giving my word on anything.

With Warrior Camp for example, I saw immediate and enormous life-transforming changes, and I was measuring Landmark against that. Like I told my friend earlier today – even on my millionth recommendation of Warrior Camp, I still get just as passionate as I did the first time I told someone about it, and it’s been years.

I felt strongly that I was not willing to give a recommendation of Landmark until I had some time to digest it.

In the hours afterwords, I had lots of time to think objectively.

I was still very on guard this morning. I was still thinking that mind control was looming, ready to taint my views of what I had learned. Because of that I was not ready to give Landmark credit yet. I was honestly not ready to allow myself to accept getting a lot out of Landmark because I kept thinking about those damn reviews.

In all honesty, I expect that graduation is going to prove that a lot of those reviews have merit.

That being said, I also realized that I need to take a more well rounded view of things.

I know that for a FACT because people have posted negative reviews about one of my companies – and I’ve investigated their claims! So many people feel it easy to make an anonymous post (I consider a handle on a forum “anonymous” still). It’s no problem to sit behind a computer when there are no repercussions against how much they slander a company. What do they care if they lie?

So that being said, I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I let those negative Landmark reviews affect me so much. I’m especially disappointed that I wouldn’t allow myself to be OK with Landmark considering:

1. I’ve seen firsthand that people lie when reviewing companies

2. All my friends that went – personal, real life friends – SAID THEY GOT A LOT OUT OF IT

It’s now Monday night. I have the graduation tomorrow and I am stone-cold positive there’s going to be a lot of strong-handed tactics to get people to recruit friends. There’ll probably be enough to frustrate me. I don’t doubt it at all – my friends told me there were mind control techniques and I didn’t see enough yet to warrant their comments.

That being said, I will wholeheartedly recommend Landmark anyway. That’s because I DID see immediate and (for me) beyond drastic changes in my behavior already.

First of all, I’m going to Mexico tomorrow. I was in such diet mode for the past few weeks, thinking I needed to look good for my bikini, and that I wouldn’t look good until I reached a certain weight. I tell you, I have NEVER… NEVER, EVER, EVER been 100% OK with what I looked like. There are definitely days when I have “I look cute!” days, but in the back of my mind, I still saw myself as 250 pound Rachel. Today when I looked in the mirror, not only did I feel beautiful and confident, but I ate whatever I wanted – even though it’s thisclose to Mexico and I would have told myself before that potential bloat could ruin a bikini.

Also, I decided to NOT take my computer to Mexico. Burn Your To Do List had been kicking my butt for a while and I was making myself feel very guilty about taking a week off – like I’d be letting down people on my team, that I didn’t deserve to take the time off yet, etc… but Landmark really helped me see that I create my reality in a way that no book has been able to.

Obviously I cannot tell you what’s going to happen a month down the line – and I will do my best to make a follow-up post (feel free to prod me along if I’m taking a while) – but I can tell you that as of this point, I would recommend Landmark, that I think I am forever changed (time will tell for sure), and not to believe everything you read online.

I would also say to take what you want from it and disregard the rest. Like I said, I still do expect heavy recruitment techniques during graduation – no doubt about it – and I hope it’s not so obnoxious that it takes away from the content of the forum. At the end of the day though, I decided that I am going to take what is useful for me from the forum, disregard what is not, and stand by my recommendation.

Look out for more posts down the line about some cool things I learned.

A few months ago, I decided to start BurnYourToDoList.com with Otto.

When I first started it, it seemed easy enough. A team of 33 trained assistants basically fell into our laps, so I thought things would go incredibly. We were going to charge entrepreneurs a marked up fee to work with our already trained assistants, and we’d basically get money for being the matchmakers.

I thought we would just sign up clients, assign them to already trained traffic assistants and virtual assistants, and everyone would go on with their merry lives.

I figured entrepreneurs would be happy because they got trained team members to work with them, team members would be happy because they’d get secure, stable income, and Otto and I would be happy because it looked like a lucrative, easy business model where we could help out our team members.

My initial intent was to work hard through January 1st, make BYTDL my 100% focus until we got 100 clients, and then start traveling again.

Easy enough, right?

WRONG.

I basically sold my soul for a few months. It was absolutely AWFUL.

In no particular order…

7. The way I had it positioned, I was basically responsible for everyone’s traffic and sales. People would ask me what they should do to get more traffic, and I’d give them advice. If it didn’t work, I was the one to blame. Awesome.

6. I was on the phone ALL DAMN DAY with clients. I freaking hate the phone (I’m getting frustrated again just as I’m typing this).

5. Because the service was high end, even if I didn’t position it as me being responsible for people’s traffic and sales, I still would have taken responsibility. I felt like everyone’s business was my personal business because they were paying us so much money.

4. While Otto and I are completely OK now, it definitely took a toll on us then. I was always super-stressed, sending a million emails a minute, and getting upset when I wasn’t getting responses back quickly enough. I’d get mad at Otto when the stuff he was responsible for wasn’t done right/according to what I wanted, and he was probably just as mad at me for being overbearing.

We eventually decided to stop being partners and I took on the company myself – which I think worked out very well for both of us. He had owed me some money, so we called it even and then went our separate ways business-wise.

3. Each of our team members was trained on different things. In my effort to make the clients happy, I told them I’d train the team members on anything. This worked out in some cases. In others, it didn’t, and then I felt like I was giving sub-par work to clients. I’d then go and spend money on correcting the problems through other service providers, and… blech.

2. Every time a client complained – even the smallest complaint – it would absolutely devastate me and ruin my day. I take client satisfaction REALLY seriously, and any complaint would just ring in my head for the entire day.

1. I had a big argument with one of the team members in the beginning. We ended up splitting up, and she tried to get all the team members to stop working with me, leaving me having to cover all the clients with NEW assistants.

She also ended up hijacking one of the clients.

In the end I was able to resolve mostly everything, but it was just a really miserable period. I haven’t been that stressed since my management positions in retail. I’m normally super-laid back, and in love with the PASSIVE income I usually make from my internet marketing efforts… but this was just awful.

It was time-intensive, miserable, and NOT hands-off.

So anyway, I REALLY wanted to get rid of this godforsaken site. I just felt like I couldn’t, though.

I felt really badly for the new team I was working with. Excited by all of the new clients I was bringing in, two of the project managers started to feel like it was their life’s mission to provide jobs for Filipinos.

I felt awful taking that from them.

One week the girls went and posted ads all over the place for Filipinos who were looking for reliable income. They rented out a venue – ON THEIR OWN, with their OWN MONEY – and held a training for all prospective employees. They figured we’d be set as we grew the business and brought on new clients.

They felt so strongly about being able to do this, and I had so much emotionally invested in being able to help them, that I couldn’t just let it go.

After considering all options…

When we first started BYTDL, we were all about having a high-end service. We thought we’d have a bigger profit margin this way, not deal with complainers (usually the cheaper people are, the more they complain), and be ready to leave the business after 100 clients.

It was also the model that other people used, so I figured it had to work.

After a few months of wanting to shoot myself more often than not, I decided to try a different strategy.

I started reading people’s emails, combined different pieces of advice I got, listened to my intuition…

And instead of sticking with high end, I started offering LOWER prices where people would pay for TASKS, not for HOURS.

I ended up changing the company around so people would purchase memberships for “X” amount of credits, and then they could use the credits towards jobs they wanted to have done.

1. It seems as if things get done slower than I want when my team does things versus when I do them. The clients felt the same way. I felt if my team was working on a TASK basis, it wouldn’t matter how long projects took them because the clients would be paying for the end result.

2. I figured if new clients asked for tasks, then they would go to a central “pool”. This way whoever was best for the job would take the task, and I would no longer need my team members to be jacks-of-all-trades.

3. NO MORE CONSULTING. Clients would ask for the tasks they wanted. If the tasks didn’t get them more traffic, they could request new tasks. This new model allowed me to stop consulting or be in charge of traffic results. All I accepted responsibility for was the fact that the tasks got done correctly.

4. I didn’t have to promise too much this way. People can only ask for jobs that I KNOW we can do well. If we can’t do them well, they’re not on the task list.

5. I thought this would help my girls provide jobs for Filipinos. This was actually the real and main reason I decided to go this route.

To be completely honest, when I started this new direction, it was more so I could leave BYTDL without feeling guilty about it. I was going to pay my girls on a task-based model where I would have broke-even at best every month.

I really didn’t care though – I just wanted to be done with the godforsaken site and not let my girls down.

First of all, I launched the offer on a Saturday. In less than 5 days, we had about 125 clients.

For months, I’d been staring at this wallpaper I put on my desktop:

…and then in less than 5 full days, it came true!

Then, I touched base with the team to see if they would rather get paid on a salary basis versus a task basis.

At first, they seemed hesitant.

When I pushed to find out why, they told me they were legitimately worried that if I paid them on a salary basis, I wouldn’t make enough profit.

(Do you see why I love my girls so much?)

When I explained the difference, they were more than happy to go a salary route. Not only can they get secure income now,I don’t have to worry about losing money (in fact, I’m getting a pretty nice TRULY PASSIVE profit margin now).

They’re going to make more money this way too. My original founders are getting a salary increase after every 50 clients sign up, and then I’m making sure they all get at least 2-3 weeks vacation a year (if not more).

We have also been able to give 9 more Filipinos a full time salary (not counting the ones who were already working with clients).

Talk about a win-win-win. We’ve helped Filipinos get more jobs, increased their salaries, gave 125 (and counting) entrepreneurs who couldn’t afford an assistant a leg up, and I’ve made great passive income.

I learned a LOT from this, and that’s why I wanted to blog about it.

Here are some of the things I discovered:

1. I wanted to go to a lower-end route from the beginning, but everybody had a “better idea”. People said it didn’t make sense to work with lower end clients… that my profit margin would be better if I kept it up the way I was going.

The same thing happened when I started internet marketing. I’ve mentioned this before, but when I first started, I was literally making between $500-$800/day my very first day (and then weeks thereafter). It wasn’t until I started getting on internet marketing lists and doing what everyone else told me to do, that I started losing a lot of my profit.

My learning lesson from this was – Screw everyone else’s opinions. Go with what YOU want to do. Test, tweak, and modify accordingly.

Even when I wrote my sales letter for this new offer, I got flak for it.

Thing is, I was completely honest in the offer. I had limited pricing to 100 people.

As a copywriter, I’d been trained to make “reasons why” all the time. “Make up a great reason why pricing needs to be limited! Use that sense of urgency! Make people move fast!”

On this sales letter, I explained to people that yes, I was limiting pricing to 100 people, but I had no reason to do so other than I thought it’d make them move faster. I was COMPLETELY honest.

People told me I was losing my touch, what happened to my “kick-ass” sales-letters, etc…

But I chose to go with MY WAY, and it worked out perfectly.

2. ALWAYS BE IN IT TO OFFER VALUE. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make any profit from this whatsoever. It was really about emotionally letting myself feel OK about not putting too much attention into BYTDL any more. I wanted to support my girls while not having to sell my soul.

AFTER I made that decision and took action, amazing things happened.

Like I said, I’ve been able to help my girls provide jobs to phenomenal people in a third world country, give 125+ entrepreneurs a leg up, AND make profit from it. Who gets to say that?

3. This is less important, but still a discovery. I say SCREW HIGH END. I know I used to say the opposite before, but I’ve changed my mind. The market’s changed, too.

Yes, it’s true – you’ll get more complaints from the cheapskates – but if you tell people exactly what you’re going to do and then deliver on it, it won’t matter. Just make sure expectations are completely clear. If a client gets moody or demanding, just quickly fire them and move on.

4. Even in your darkest, most miserable moments (hehe – I am NOT overexaggerating!), there’s a win-win solution that can come from it, if you’re open to it.

I decided to quit the juice fast after 4.5 days. It just wasn’t working for me.

I made the first video a few hours ago, and then spoke to my friend Joshua, who inspired me to add more – hence the 2nd video.

(I’m sorry about the lighting the second time, I wasn’t thinking about any of it as it was totally impromptu. I’m wearing my PJ’s in it. )

This was an excellent learning experience for me and I thank you for letting me share it with you.

I posted this from my 5am – 9am experience:

This morning wasn’t super-awesome.

I woke up, sat at the edge of my bed for a while (because every time I got up yesterday I blacked out for a good 30 seconds), and got up. Luckily today I could see, so I thought today might be a better day. I know Steve Pavlina mentioned his Day 4 was much better than Day 3, so I hoped for the best.

When I went to go stand up to make juice, I had very little energy. I put the first bunch of celery in and found myself dwindling. I put a cucumber in and was REALLY dwindling. When I went to cut up the second cucumber, I knew I was about to pass out so I went to go sit down on my couch for 5 minutes. After I got up to try and finish, I had to sit down again. Finally I was able to finish the juice, but I had no energy to drink it so I put it back in the fridge and went back to bed.

Oddly enough, during the juicing this morning, I had almost no motor skills or brain function. It was very weird. I went to go throw some cucumber mash away and put it right in the hole part of my cutting board, so that when I lifted the cutting board, the cucumber fell right through again. I went to go pick up a plate in my sink and didn’t account for all the water on it, and ended up soaking myself. Those were just some weird things that obviously normally I would remember to do.

After I took my nap, I felt a lot more clear-headed but still didn’t have a lot of energy. I put one sock on, finished some emails, and then put the other sock on. I couldn’t do them both at the same time or it’d wipe me out.

On the good side though, I’m not feeling nauseous or light-headed today if I sit down… only when I exert any energy on anything.

All of this is making me strongly consider how long I should fast for. I started out intending 30 days, then thought 14 days at minimum, but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll do 7 days this time and then next time I’ll do another 7 days. While I know it’s very healthy for all this to be happening, I also don’t want to overwhelm my body.

I mean, I have no desire to eat or anything (even though I keep having food dreams. Last night I dreamt about these popcorn chicken things I used to eat all the time when I was 16-22)… it’s just that I read that these days are supposed to start getting better, and so far, no dice.

I know Jaime said after 7 days she started feeling worse and worse too…

Hmm, I guess I’ll play it by ear.

Oh, and I’ve lost 6 pounds in 3 days.

From 9am – 2pm:

I was randomly crying a few times throughout the day. I knew there’d be a lot of emotional detox from the getgo so I was prepared for it.

The thing is, any emotion one feels is really meant to last for a short while. Normal people are supposed to feel through an emotion and then let it be done. When you emotionally eat, you block those emotions and that energy stays stuffed in your body. Since I emotionally ate my weigh into being over 100 lbs overweight before, I clearly have a ton of stuff to detox. I knew that going into this.

I also forced myself to drink some more juice (36 oz so far) and also 40 oz of water. I’ll be drinking more of each later.

In the beginning of this time period I couldn’t even sit without feeling lightheaded, but now I can sit for a few hours… I just can’t stand for more than a minute or two without wanting to collapse.

I’m thinking more and more about ending this after 7 days. That’s because:

a) I don’t want to screw up my metabolism, and quite frankly, I’m afraid I’ll gain the weight I lost with a quickness if I do this too long. It’s well known that this fasting WILL slow down your metabolism. Advocates of fasting say that if you eat an all raw diet afterwards, it won’t matter.

I don’t want to eat an all raw diet after and don’t think that’s what’s best for my body.

I was also thinking it might be nice to do 7 days now, maintain my new weight, and then do 7 days later.

b) The idea of laying around in my bed for 30 days is a pretty crappy one. I know there are times when I’m supposed to feel euphoric, but I seem to be having the same reactions Jaime did… and she said she was bedridden from the middle of week 1 through day 12.

I have work to do.

c) Most people say they love green juice during the fast and want tons of it afterwards. Everything about that damn drink nauseates me right now (and I used to drink tons of celery, cucumber, or celery-cucumber juice pre-fast).

d) Even though I set up some conditions to make this easier than normal, they’re still not optimal. When Jaime did her fast, she was able to have a plethora of spa treatments to help make things easier – tons of massages, oxygen treatments, a sauna, elixirs to ease the pain of detoxing, and a full staff of support to help her with any concerns that came her way.

Maybe I should go to a retreat or set myself up with better conditions in the future.

e) Most people that do best on extended fasts do it when they’re eating raw or vegan for a while. This wasn’t the case for me.

I guess my hesitancy is that I don’t want to look like a quitter. I talked to Jaime about this though and she made me feel a LOT better. She too, ended her fast a few days earlier, and was worried about what people would think. She ultimately decided that it was HER body and she knew what she was feeling better than anyone else could.

I know I’ll probably be judged if I end the fast after 7 days, but to be honest, unless someone has gone through the fasting themselves, I really could care less what their opinions are. This is a very intense, grueling process that I underestimated.

Even if only do 7 days (the bare minimum), I’ll be really proud of myself.

Today has been the worst day by far.

I woke up feeling great. When I stood up, I was dizzy for a good 30 seconds before I could see anything again, but once that passed, I felt fine.

I had my green juice and then almost all of my liter of water with MSM and lemon (still drinking it now).

I also weighed myself because I knew I had a colonic today and I wanted to see what the weight difference would be between today and tomorrow. So far, I’ve released 3 pounds.

As far as the colonic – it was absolutely awful.

As I posted about earlier, colonics are very important because without a clean intestine, toxins can re-enter your bloodstream which is incredibly dangerous.

I felt very wary about going in and getting one done – anxious, a little disgusted, and nervous about how it would unfold.

It turns out the privacy part of it was nothing to fear at all.

I’ll go through the procedure – I know it can sound kind of gross, but I guess I don’t care. I’m in a weird, half-cranky half-muted to the world mood.

Anyway… when I went to the spa, they told me to undress from the waist down and put on a robe. After I did that, the procedure really wasn’t gross or weird at all. The practitioner inserted a tube in me and then I laid back on my back. The practitioner and I talked the whole time, so I didn’t have time to focus on anything “off”.

The reason that it was so awful, though, was that she had to pump me with water in order to soften my intestinal walls. Every time she did that, I felt intense pain. I pride myself on toughing things out, so I let her fill as long as possible… but it was really, really bad. I was closing my eyes, thinking of other things, trying to talk to her… but it just sucked.

I ended up pouring out a ton of toxins – a lot more than the average person does on their first try. The practitioner said this was likely because I was juicing for 3 days already.

The rubbish part about that, though, is that as the toxins come out, the body gets stirred up as toxins are moved around. I felt a massive wave of detox that left me feeling absolutely horrible.

I have my next appointment set up for Wednesday at 10am.

I haven’t been able to drink any juice since the colonic and even the thought of drinking water makes me nauseous – which means that I’ll probably only have the 16 oz of juice for today.

I took a nap once I got home but I still feel groggy. I’m planning on getting some more work done, watching a movie, and going to bed.

Blech.

I read some people’s blog entries saying that Day 2 was the hardest day of all for them, so I prepared myself for the worst.

That being said, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.

I woke up VERY groggy and dizzy, and could barely see when I stood. I promptly had my liter of water with lemon and MSM, and then went back to bed because I had literally 0 energy.

After I woke up, I made my juice and got a spark of energy. This seems to be the theme – I’ll be super low-energy, and then a glass of green juice will perk me up for a little bit.

In the beginning of the day I was exceptionally dizzy. Jaime told me I should bend my head down at one point, so I did, and I thought I was going to fall over and pass out. It felt awful.

Slowly throughout the day, I got more and more energy. I had 16 oz of juice at 1pm to give me energy to go to get my nails done (I was afraid I’d fall asleep). I was OK throughout the appointment and ended up telling the woman who did my nails all about the juice fast (she was super-interested in it and may do it herself).

I had a good amount of energy afterwards and felt super-happy so I drove around for a while, singing in my car. I also stopped at Barnes & Noble and stood for a while in front of the Humor section, randomly reading books.

(I was excited that I could stand for such a long time!)

When I got home, I had another 16 oz of juice and used my energy to unpack my luggage from my Philly trip.

It felt great to have so much energy, and I felt REALLY happy at the end of the day.

I went shopping today for more greens, so I ended up drinking all of this throughout the day:

Spinach
Celery
Cucumbers
Kale
Dandelion Greens
Green Pepper

The juices have been really yummy. I like them the best after they’ve been in the fridge for a few hours and they’re nice and cold.

It’s only 4:15, but I’m thinking the end of my first day will probably be pretty soon. I’m still on east coast time and very sleepy. The dark conditions outside aren’t helping either.

The first day of the fast went well.

I woke up feeling hungry (I usually feel hungry in the mornings) and had a liter of water with lemon and a tablespoon of MSM. That subsided me until I went to Whole Foods at 11amish. When I was there, I got a juice of:

Spinach
Celery
Cucumber
Parsley
Ginger

I realized I’m really not a huge ginger fan and didn’t enjoy the drink too much, but I did finish it.

At 2:22 I decided to make more juices for the day (you can make a bulk amount of juice in the mornings for the rest of the day, so I just made the rest of today’s juices then).

I made:

Cucumber
Celery
Broccoli
Kale

That was super-yummy. I had about 16 oz and still have some left for later on.

Since I don’t really crave food usually, I’m not too worried about cravings. The only exception is this amazing “Tsoynami” they have at a vegan restaurant around here called Green. A “Tsoynami” is basically the “Blizzard” at Dairy Queen, but made out of soy. It tastes just like ice cream, and I get it with Oreos, walnuts, peanut butter, and chocolate chips. AMAZING.

Jaime mentioned she had tons of food dreams on her fast, and I actually ALREADY had one during my afternoon nap. It was about the Tsoynami.

Jaime has brought home some food already, and ate a bit in front of me. I told her I’d be fine with her bringing anything home except for that Tsoynami.

(I didn’t think about them at all during my Philly trip, but Otto mentioned going to Green last night after the airport, and then I started dreaming about them again. )

I think I should be fine cravings-wise though. I read the first 2 days are the hardest hunger-wise, so if I can get past that (which I know I will with flying colors), I’ll be fine. I know there will be foods I crave during the fast on a psychological level (probably mostly foods from when I was growing up – mozzarella sticks, chicken nuggets, french fries, Doritos, cheese doodles… not the best ever).

I made 2 big realizations today as well:

1. I have been very focused on “30 days”. I think that’s foolish. I’m going to do this as long as my body wants me to do it. I remember when Steve Pavlina set out to juice for 92 days, but his body didn’t respond favorably at all and he ended up stopping at 30.

Jaime wanted to do a 14 day fast but her body told her to stop at 12.

I need to get out of the disciplined “warrior” mode all the time and listen more to what my body wants. So who knows, maybe I’ll stop after Day 8?

(I doubt it though… I’m really feeling 30 at the moment. )

2. While health is a huge factor for the juice fast, I know there are going to be days when I’m thinking, “What the hell is this damn fast for?” I thought I would use the weight loss to show myself some instant results. After I thought about it though, I realized that’s actually going to be detrimental to me.

Because my lowest weight since 4th grade is 4 pounds less than I weigh now, it’s almost out of my mind’s realm of possibility to weigh less than that. I actually LOVE how I look 4 pounds away. I’m afraid if I weigh myself and see that weight or less, I won’t feel a need to keep fasting.

Because of that, I’m hiding my scale. I’ll weigh myself either weekly or at the end of the fast… but definitely not daily.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for now. I’ll blog again soon.

I’ve wanted to go on a juice fast for a little over a year now. I have several books on it and have been studying it a ton… but no time ever seemed like the “right” time.

That was for 2 reasons:

1. I knew I’d have huge detox issues, and I didn’t want to put my business at risk (I’ll be pretty useless work-wise for some days)

2. I had social activities lined up and didn’t want to be the “party pooper” while other people were drinking/eating.

After staying in Philly for a few days and eating like crap, I’ve decided it’s now or never, and have committed to a 30 day juice fast once I get back to Scottsdale.

I’ll be tracking my progress as much as I can throughout my blog (like I said, there will be huge detox issues and there may be some days I have no desire to be near the computer).

Why I Want To Go On A Juice Fast

There are a few reasons. The more and more I learn, the more the importance of each reason changes (ie first it was because I was really psyched about weight loss, now the health is more important to me).

Here are some reasons why:

- The amount of toxins in the food we eat is insane. Our body is constantly consumed by digesting the food we keep taking in. On a juice fast, the body can STOP putting energy into that and instead put energy into flushing toxins out of our body.

They say that for every day on a juice fast, you can heal 120 days worth of crappy food.

- I’ve seen lots of people talk about old injuries, etc… clear up while on a juice fast. I don’t have any old injuries, but those stories help me me see how healthy juicing is for your body.

- Not only do you flush out physical toxins while on a juice fast, but you also flush out emotional toxins. A lot of people (especially me when I was younger) eat to avoid having to deal with other things. I know even now, if I get sad or angry, I emotionally eat. Juice fasting helps “detox” these emotional issues.

(While I know I have a lot to detox there and am very excited about it, I anticipate this being the hardest part of the fast. I’ve read about people having days full of very severe emotions – some days being incredibly mad, some days being really depressed, some being gleefully happy.)

- Weight loss. I will still eat lots of calories from the juice, but as I put in all the alkaline foods, my body will help get rid of the acid ones, any excess fat, and all cellular toxins.

- I think my intuition is going to go through the roof once my body is more “clear” (and have read of other people experiencing that)

- Will have much more vivid dreams (Again, I read/heard about a lot of people experiencing this)

Obviously, I have to set up conditions to make this inevitable.

A juice fast isn’t the easiest thing in the world, so I’m setting myself up for success.

Here’s how:

- Jaime is coming to stay with me for 1 or 2 weeks. She actually just got off a juice fast herself (which was another reason that pushed me to do it. Like I said, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, and when Jaime did her 12 day fast, I envied all the amazing side benefits).

When Jaime did the fast, she went to a retreat in Patagonia, Arizona. They specialize in fasts, so she learned a TON. She’s going to share the info with me, and then she’s also going to help me make juices, bring over elixirs, and just be with me as I go through the detoxing. I am so grateful for her.

- Otto is going to call me every day and walk me through, visually, getting to the 30 day mark.

I’ve read about the power of visualization through Psycho-Cybernetics and several other books, but saw the power of it in person a few times myself (for example, when Steph coached Mona and I through our 5k run).

- This may be “TMI”, but I don’t really care. When doing a juice fast, you have to either get colonics or do daily enemas. As you detox, the toxins can pile up in your intestines. If you don’t get them out, then they can go back into your bloodstream which is INCREDIBLY dangerous. I know I won’t want to do the daily enemas, so I’m purchasing a package of 20 colonics administered for me.

- I set up dates to do it (I’ll start Nov 28, 2009). I decided to go with Nov 28 because it’s the day after I get back from Philadelphia. I’m going to be super-honest with myself: I wouldn’t be able to do it here in Philadelphia. Thanksgiving is coming up, there’s too much yummy food around to tempt myself with, and my mom would be upset. I set up a time when I knew I could succeed.

- I’m purchasing a 30 day bikram yoga package as I do the fast. Jaime mentioned she used a sauna at her retreat, but since I’m doing this at home, I had to find an alternative. Luckily I had been planning to do a 30 day fitness challenge in December anyway, so this hot yoga works out perfectly. I’ll sweat out a lot of toxins through it, while also getting to move my body and get my exercise in (hiking at Camelback – my normal exercise – is going to be way too strenuous for me at first).

What I’m Going To Drink

I’ll be filling up my juicer with lots of yummy veggies. As I mentioned, Jaime will help me make the juices at first (I’ll post what she recommends), and then I imagine my body will guide me to know what to drink next.

I read in one of Victoria Boutenko’s books about the experience of her putting her children on a raw food diet. She said one day her son asked for some blueberries (I think that was the fruit). She brought a flat of them to have them on hand for a while, and he ended up eating all of them in one day.

The same sort of thing happened to her daughter. She asked for some grapefruits (again, I think that was it) and ended up eating massive quantities in a day. It surprised Victoria, but it turns out that the foods they requested are known for helping to cure what their respective illnesses were at the time – asthma and diabetes.

I say this because I trust my body is going to clue me in to what’s best for me.

What’s Next:

I’m fasting today (day before Thanksgiving). Even though I’m going to a juice fast soon, like I said, I’ve been putting lots of crap in my body and want to flush at least some of it out. I’ll go on the extended 30 day fast starting Saturday, and I’m REALLY excited for it.

Wow… I had such an amazing birthday weekend, and I wanted to post about it here so I’d remember it forever.

I’m going to go in order here:

On Thursday (day before my birthday), Jaime flew in from Canada to come visit. Every time I see her is PHENOMENAL, so this was obviously was no exception.

While she was sleeping from jet lag and no sleep for a few days, there was a knock at the door. Turns out Brian had sent me a dozen roses and Happy Birthday balloons.

A few short hours later, Otto got here. Before he started the 6 hour drive from San Diego, he asked me if there was anything he could bring me. I told him since he couldn’t bring me an acai bowl from “Big Squeeze” (they make the best ones I ever tasted), my juicer would do.

(Side note: I just signed on for a place in Scottsdale for a few months. I know my last post wasn’t the most complimentary towards it, but I’ve been meeting some amazing people and ended up falling in love.)

Anyway – Otto got here with ALL MY STUFF from storage in San Diego. I thought I was going to have to fly back to get it, so that was SUPER-AMAZING.

Then he took me down to the van where he said he had another present for me. He took out a styrofoam cooler and when I opened it, there was 3 lbs of dry ice inside… and an acai bowl!

Afterwards, the three of us went out to dinner with Otto’s new friend Alex – a supercool snowboarding instructor.

As you can see, this stuff was all ridiculously phenomenal as is… but the next day (my birthday) topped it even more.

When I woke up, Otto told me to open a present he had mailed to me a week or so ago (I was waiting for my birthday to open it). When I opened it, it was a framed paper that he wrote up entitled “50 Things I Love About Rachel Rofe” (including a Bonus one ). It was VERY sweet and just made the day start off wonderfully.

When I walked into my living room, I heard my phone ringing. When I went to go look at it, I saw Brian was calling. I knew he was very sick and couldn’t talk (or even really whisper), so I was surprised to hear from him. When I picked up, it was his girlfriend calling on behalf of him to say Happy Birthday.

After I hung up, I had several text messages, including one from Joshua who told me to check my screen door for “not one but two envelopes”. Since he lives right near his work, he had to drive out of his way to come here. I opened the envelopes and there was a beautiful card and a poem he wrote for me in another. It was really beautiful

My mom, sister, and brother called shortly after.

Jaime, Otto, and I all ended up going to breakfast at The Breakfast Club – a superyummy place to eat. We all kind of hung out for a bit, and then Jaime treated me to a 90 minute massage (which was PURE BLISS).

When I checked my email, I was bombarded (in a great way) by tons of Facebook “Happy Birthday” messages, twitter messages, and awesome digital cards (including a super-funny one from my trainer and his business partner, and my friend Martha )

Later on in the day we went to Green (an AMAZING vegan restaurant that we all fell in love with and went to every day – Thurs, Fri, and Sat. Everything we tried (and we tried a lot!) was so delicious!

Jaime also gave me a really cool game that asks all sorts of profound questions… it’s meant to be for dinner parties or when you have new guests around. We had fun playing with it

After that, we headed out to party for a few hours in Old-Town Scottsdale. We went to a place Jaime and I went to a few years ago – Dirty Pretty – and just had fun listening to old songs and dancing.

Overall, the night ended phenomenally.

Yesterday (Saturday), the three of us hung out some more. We went back to Green, and then when Otto went to go visit his friend, Jaime and I had some “girl” time. We went clothes shopping and then to a bookstore (where Jaime proceeded to buy a mountain of books ).

Today’s Sunday… I drove Jaime back to the airport this morning (BOO). Otto’s speaking at an event in Prescott, AZ, and he should be back in a few hours… and he leaves tomorrow (another BOO).

Boos aside though, it was a fantastic weekend and I’m so grateful for my amazing friends and family. I really couldn’t ask for a better weekend. When I recounted the events to Brian last night, he was flabbergasted at how much awesomeness took place. It’s true – acai bowls, poem, “50 Things I Love About Rachel Rofe”, a massage, friends flying in from Canada, 6 hour drives…

I’m a lucky girl

After Otto and I broke up, I had a few decisions to make (as mentioned in my last post). I was trying to figure out what I felt like doing – go to Hawaii for a few months, take a road trip, sign a lease in San Diego, go to Australia… I really had 0 idea.

I ended up deciding to go on a new road trip. I know it sounds ridiculous, but one of the main reasons I wanted to do it was to go back to Half Price Books in Dallas. I LOVED that store on my last trip and met some incredible life-long friends while browsing.

There are a few locations for HFP, but the Dallas one is HUGE (it’s the main one) and just incredible.

I left on Monday, and for the most part, the trip has been phenomenal. There is SO MUCH beauty to check out on the drive from California to Scottsdale (where I got a place for a week so I could think/catch up on work/explore) and I was reveling in it the entire time.

I also got to listen to a few audiobooks (Caroline Myss’ Primal Nature – I don’t recommend that, and started Caroline Myss’ Energy Of Anatomy which seems a *lot* better), listen to great music, and just relax.

The place I got in Scottsdale is awesome. It’s actually an extended living place for executives, so there’s a refrigerator, a toaster, utensils and plates. I’m using the kitchen table as a desk and have my full setup – the 24 inch monitor, the MacBook Pro, and the PC. The coolest part is, I got some tips from Mark Anthony on how to use Priceline, and I ended up scoring the place for only $21/night, and it’s right in the heart of everything!!!

The drive was interesting for some other reasons too. As I just mentioned – I think I live in some of the most glorified parts of America. For example, in San Diego, even living in Pacific Beach (frat-party town), people are usually super-happy, laid back, and out for a good time.

Every time I see someone in passing, I smile at them. In much of SoCal and here in Scottsdale, people obligatorily fake smile back, but it doesn’t feel “real”.

When I stop at random areas in my journeys, I flash back to “average” America. I don’t say that at all to be elitist – it’s just a weird experience. I got off in El Centro, California on Monday and smiled at a few people, and they got these huuuge smiles on their faces, like I made their entire day. It almost feels much easier to make a difference there.

Scenery was a lot different, people seemed a lot more introverted, and there were a lot more unhealthy-looking people.

I know Eben Pagan mentioned (I think in Altitude) that sometimes he drives to the local Wal-Mart just to sit and listen to people, to get more of an idea of what the “average” American is like. I don’t blame him.

Although I generally feel grateful to live in fake “bubbles” of America (more pleasant to look at, more healthy food, more successful people), I appreciate getting to go to other places. It makes for a more well-rounded world view.

When I was bidding on Priceline, I didn’t get much say into where I’d stay. I just randomly got Scottsdale, and was psyched that it was so inexpensive for such a pricy place to live.

Jaime and I joked the last time we were here that this was almost a mini-L.A., maybe even more plastic. While I *love* the streets around here and how central it is to everything, I still believe that’s the truth. There’s even places that have big signs for “Walk-In Botox”.

I’m not complaining, just observing. What I mainly wanted to get out of this first stop I’ve gotten easily – the relaxation, the centering, and the feeling calm.

The only other thing I can report so far is the Master Cleanse.

Okay, I’m exaggerating. But it was nuts. I’ve done successful water fasts, eat mostly raw foods, and just got done with a cleanse… but this Master Cleanse was awful.

I made it through the day fine without eating (I made it inevitable that I’d succeed by having books around if I started thinking of wanting to eat, had the TV, etc…). At night though, things were nuts. I kept waking up with hot flashes, then cold flashes. This is TMI but – I also dry vomited throughout the night, and just felt generally awful.

I couldn’t stand up for more than a few seconds, had a small headache than went on and off, and felt ridiculously dizzy.

Jaime, Taj, and Caleb have all reported incredible things with it… but it’s definitely not for me, at least not on a road trip.

Anyway, I guess that’s it for now. Just wanted to get myself back in the groove of posting blogs.

I thought it could be cool, in the future, to maybe do 50 states in 50 weeks… spend a week in a new state each week… and blog about it. Seeing as I still don’t know where I want to go next, maybe that’ll be my next adventure.

Have a great day, and don’t forget to post at 5PositiveThings!