I never really realized it before, but after studying the eneagram (more posts coming soon on that), it was quite fascinating to see just how much I do so other people may like me.

I never realized approval was the reason for my doing nice things but after learning the eneagram it became very apparent.

Truthfully I know most people do this at one level or another, but I’m not OK with being “most people” – I want to push myself as much as possible.

After learning the eneagram I started to watch my patterns from an observer’s standpoint without shame or judgment attached. It was very interesting to realize not only do I expect everyone to like me,  but if they don’t, I tend to want nothing to do with them.

That’s a shame since people who dislike me are probably the ones I could learn the most from (and they, me).

When my mentor Piperlyne shared the poem “The Invitation” with me yesterday, it seemed to fit everything I have been thinking about lately. I had seen it before but it never spoke to me on such a soul-screaming level as it does now.

I am using this poem to remember:

• Even if I already committed to something I have the right to change my mind (And not think of myself as a liar.)
• It’s OK to put myself before others (And I’m really just taking the easy way out by putting others first.)
• What other people think about me really doesn’t need to concern me. I can learn from it or I can ignore it – but I definitely don’t need to personalize it.
• When talking to people I should talk about what *I* feel. I no longer choose to watch people’s facial expressions and body language to gauge approval/disapproval and move the conversation accordingly.
• It is not “spiritual” to put other’s in front of me all the time. In fact it’s pretty fake and not at all honoring my highest self.
• I can still be nice to others. It’s just that it needs to come from a place of wanting to do it for the love of them/the world and not for approval.
• Sitting in pain is FINE and not something I need to hide from. I am allowed to feel sad, angry, or hurt and it’s a beautiful thing.
• It’s perfectly OK to look like a fool =)

Without further ado, here’s the amazing poem:

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

If you read this post before doing the exercise, you’ll lose all benefit of it. It only takes 5 minutes and can give you tremendous insight – so please go do it NOW!

Keep reading ONLY IF YOU’VE DONE THE EXERCISE…

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Okay, so as I mentioned, Eben mentioned that Joe Polish taught him this exercise, and it’s supposed to reveal your life purpose.

The top 3 things are things you need to accept and develop, and the bottom 3 are your shadows – things that exist in yourself but you don’t yet want to recognize.

If you write “liar” for example, remember that it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lying to others (though that could be true) – it could also mean you lie to yourself.

Here Were My Results:

The 3 people I admired were:

Mother Teresa – unwavering faith, dedication to goal

Albert Einstein – open-mindedness and intelligence

Piperlyne (my mentor) – not accepting fear, being OK in the face of anything

I thought and thought and could only come up with 2 people I didn’t like:

A popular “guru” that I’ll leave nameless – scammy, willing to do anything for money, doesn’t care about people

A copywriting client I once worked with  – unnecessarily aggressive, liar

After I Saw My “Shadows”, I Had To Do A Double Take.

I thought, “I care about people! How could that make sense?”

Then it hit me. Hard.

I’ve been telling people I want to get out of internet marketing for years now. Being totally transparent, the whole “make-money” market kind of disgusts me most of the time.

My pattern has been that I’ll want to get out, think of a new idea that can make a good amount of money and “help people”, and convince myself that if I’m helping people, it’s OK.

Don’t get me wrong here – I believe in the products I put out, knew they worked, etc… but still – those products are NOT my greatest gift to the world. At all.

After doing the exercise I realized that putting out 99% of my make-money products is not coming from my heart. A factor is helping people, yes, but there’s also the factor of wanting instant money without having to do that much work. It’s amazing how so many people just automatically buy products without even thinking about it, and it’s beyond easy to make 5-6 figures with a good information product.

Then I started thinking…

How Can I Feel Good In A Market That Disgusts Me So Much?

My first thought was, “I know I can still help people with some of my products.  How can I do it from a heart-centered place? Or do I even WANT to?”

The first thing I thought of was to do more webinars and teleseminars so I could follow up with people to ensure their success. After thinking about that though, I realized I really don’t want to tie myself down to any weekly commitments.

Then I started thinking… why do I make products in the make-money niche?

I had a few answers:

• Good money
• Helping people
• I love when people tell me they quit their jobs
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And I asked, why do I hate the make-money niche?

• Feels sleazy often
• Many people hand me money they need in order to get something they’ll never use
• I would hate if someone I just met were to Google me and see long-form sales letters that just scream of “Scam” (even though they’re not.)
• Making money is important when you’re in survival mode, sure… but it’s not that big of a deal once you’re “comfortable”. There are a lot more important (in my mind) things that could be done to help the world – such as having people do nice things for others, inspiring people to push themselves, and really pushing their SPIRIT.
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I also realized I usually put out the make-money products when I’m in survival mode (bank account getting low, want to pay for something, whatever). Sure, I could do the offline tactics that I teach, and they work – but internet marketing is pushbutton. Put out a product, put a price tag on it, send it to the list, and bam – tons of instant money.

Again I want to be clear here that I NEVER put out crap and really worked hard to ensure quality – but still – the point is, it wasn’t coming from a super-heart-centered place, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.

So if I ever do internet marketing again…

Here’s My Commitment To You:

I don’t even know if I will make a “make-money” product ever again.

If I do, though, it will be different.

Every product I have will have an application process with a few questions people need to answer in order to get the product. I feel this step alone will knock off 50% of people who just buy on autopilot without even thinking about what they’re doing.

If my assistant and I approve the application, I will give access to the product for free and then the customer will pay what they feel it’s worth.

If they pay nothing, it means they never went through the product. That bans them for life on all my other products.

I may also allow people to do nice things for other people as payment.

This makes me a lot happier to do internet marketing products, *IF* I ever do them, because I work with only qualified people and will only hear from those who are actually going to do something with the information I teach.

I want to mention 2 things with this:

1. Nobody has this model yet. I may continue to recommend other people’s products that ask for a set price, and they will only be products I have used and 100% believe in. I will find these ON MY OWN, so marketers… please don’t send me joint venture requests any more.

2. I have already committed to an event series with several marketers to give in-person conferences. I will continue to do that, and those conferences will have a set price. I am continuing to do this because:

a) I already committed to it
b) The price is very inexpensive compared to the value
c) I will speak about outsourcing, which is something that I could believe in, since I know outsourcing gives people the power to live a more fun-filled life. It’s just not just about make-money rubbish.

I am also not sure if I plan on changing my old products out or not. As I think about it I will continue to keep the old prices up. Most of them are with partners and I don’t want to shove this down other people’s throats.

That being said, I don’t think I’ll be doing a lot of marketing any more. It’s just not that stellar to me.

My True Goal Is This:

I want to get 5,000 people (short-term) to post on my blog with something nice they did for the world.

THAT is something that gets me jazzed and pumped. It comes from my heart and aligns with the exercise.

For the next few weeks I need to focus full time on a specific short term goal I have, and when I’m done, I’ll be doing a ton of work on this blog.

I want to get it redesigned and have it tracking people who do nice things. There will be prize giveaways and other awesome motivations, and I’m super-excited to get those rolling out.

I feel it’s high-time I started doing what my heart and spirit want again, and NOT what my bank account feels good about.

First thing’s first… it took me a long time to get to the Forum. I had a lot of friends that went there and recommended it, but for every positive recommendation, there was an atrocious review online. I twittered that I was considering going once and got all kinds of warning messages back.

Nobody I knew personally had anything bad to say about it – but for some reason I just kept trusting the reviews. When I asked my friends who went about the mind control I kept reading about, they admitted there definitely was some. They also said since I know influence tactics well, I should go and just be cautious, but that the overall content was phenomenal.

In retrospect, even Warrior Camp – which lord knows I recommend wholeheartedly – had mind control tactics… most things like that do… but for some reason, I was just really bothered by it this time. I think it’s because my “I freaking hate to be manipulated” meter was up… whereas with other things, the mind control comes unexpectedly so I can’t be cautious in advance.

…had I not seen a blog post that Lori Painter made. She mentioned that someone who studied a LOT about psychology told her that in order to conquer her self worth issues, she needed to go to Landmark.

That was the final push for me to go, and so I signed up.

I am always looking to push myself to the next level, and self worth is something I could work on.

But before I tell you about that, in order to understand this post, you need to know the forum runs for a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then a Tuesday night “graduation”.

With that out of the way –

When I first got to the Forum, I went in with a different mindset than I ever have before. I was skeptical from the getgo. I was so on the lookout for mind control stuff that it was incredible. The first thing I did was count the chairs in each row, multiply by how many rows there were, and calculated how much money the seminar was bringing in. I analyzed every word the leader said. I felt like a detective.

Initially when I signed up for Landmark I had planned on staying the entire seminar duration. During Friday afternoon when we were asked to write down if we were able to commit to the whole seminar, I wrote down that there was a possibility I couldn’t stay that night. I figured I’d be bored and that the good stuff didn’t come till later on, because that’s what one of the reviews said.

Because we had assignments during each one of the breaks and dinner breaks, I ended up being finagled into staying that night. Our first dinner assignment was to go to dinner with some people from the forum. Once I committed to going with them, I felt like I needed to follow them back into the building when we got back from dinner.

To be honest, the entire theme of the weekend for me seemed to be committing in small chunks. On Friday I thought I wouldn’t go into the Friday night session, on Saturday I thought I might just quit, on Sunday I thought I wouldn’t go Sunday night, and it was today (Monday) that I decided I’d go to the Tuesday night graduation.

At the end of the day on Friday I decided…

I mean, you can justify anything about anything… but my “mind control meter” didn’t ring at all during Day 1.

On Day 2, I didn’t outright see anything mind control-y either. I mean, there is some talk about “enrollment” which is getting people on board with the possibilities you create, but anyone’s going to tell you to have people in your life that support your goals. It’s common sense.

During Day 2, something cool happened.

He mentioned that he read the reviews and went full-on discussing how the possibility that Landmark uses crazy mind control techniques, manipulates people, etc.

The Forum leader engaged him and talked to him for probably about an hour in front of everyone.

I definitely had the feeling that the leaders were trained for these kind of things since ours (Jeff) seemed to have an answer for everything. Regardless of that though, the answers were good (enough), with the exception of one (in my opinion).

It may be a small detail – one I would have never even picked up if I wasn’t so on the lookout – but I’ll mention it anyway.

The dude at the mic, in an attempt to explain why Landmark would have a reason to use mind control techniques, mentioned that Landmark obviously makes a lot of money.

Jeff started talking about how he said the same thing when he was a student, and that he mentioned it to the people he went to dinner with on the Saturday night of his forum. Apparently some guy he was at dinner with was the VP of Training at a Fortune 500 company and told him that he had studied through hundreds of training programs, and that if Jeff knew “the truth”, he’d be shocked.

Jeff talked about how the VP was talking about how he had been through hundreds of the best training programs, and when he found out the price of Landmark, he thought it was per hour. When he found out it wasn’t per hour, he thought it was per day… then was shocked when he found out it was per weekend.

Then he started mentioning overhead, and almost making it sound like Landmark was not making anything or possibly even losing money.

The guy at the mic mentioned that you could go on Wikipedia and go through a tour of the San Francisco headquarters, and how magnificent it looked. He said he didn’t care that Landmark made money, but he just wanted to acknowledge that they did. Jeff said, “Have you ever been inside of that building?” The way he said it was like the headquarters were crappy inside or something (which I do not, at all, in any way, shape or form, buy).

Jeff was clearly trying to paint a picture of Landmark not making that much money. Most people just accepted what he said, and I think they really believe that Landmark is almost some kind of charity. That’s easy though – most because most people accept any reason why. It’s the classic Xerox example from Influence – “Can I cut in front of you to make a copy because I need to make copies?”.

I think Landmark makes a ton of money, and that’s fine – but I just don’t like to hear it being denied. I know that they don’t charge that much, but it doesn’t mean they’re not profitable. I have one word for that rubbish: Wal-Mart.

Anyway, towards the end of Day 2, I started learning some stuff. I definitely think I was blocking myself a little bit because I just kept being so suspicious of everything… but I did learn some stuff and I was very happy.

I would not have recommended Landmark to anyone at that point, but I did learn some cool stuff and figured it wouldn’t have been a total waste of time and money if that was the best it got.

On Day 3, the course changed for me – a lot.

The content on Day 3 was AWESOME.

Of course, that’s also the day when some ‘mind control’ stuff happened, although in all honesty, it was no worse than a pitch at the end of a seminar.

After we got back from dinner on Sunday night, Jeff tried to have us share with a partner the “creation of a possibility” about how our graduation on Tuesday night could go. Because you can invite people who haven’t yet been to Landmark on Tuesday (it’s when they recruit the new people), people were getting up and shared stuff like “I am creating the possibility of enrolling a million people and spreading the love”.

When I had to share – even after I had learned some AWESOME STUFF – I was still very cautious and on guard for mind control. I told my partner, “Sorry, but I’m not creating any possibility. I’m not bringing any friends, and I don’t think I got enough out of Landmark to recommend it.”

At that point I was also 99% sure I would NOT go to graduation. Despite the fact that I learned a lot and got an amazing new perspective change, I was still on guard and almost resentful of the forum. I figured mind control was looming around the corner, and since I hadn’t seen it yet, it was coming at any minute.

(I am normally not a conspiracist like this! … in fact, I’m usually the opposite.)

Today is Monday morning. When people asked me how I liked my experience, I told them I didn’t want to give them any judgments until a month or so down the line. I told them I wanted to see how much I implemented before giving my word on anything.

With Warrior Camp for example, I saw immediate and enormous life-transforming changes, and I was measuring Landmark against that. Like I told my friend earlier today – even on my millionth recommendation of Warrior Camp, I still get just as passionate as I did the first time I told someone about it, and it’s been years.

I felt strongly that I was not willing to give a recommendation of Landmark until I had some time to digest it.

In the hours afterwords, I had lots of time to think objectively.

I was still very on guard this morning. I was still thinking that mind control was looming, ready to taint my views of what I had learned. Because of that I was not ready to give Landmark credit yet. I was honestly not ready to allow myself to accept getting a lot out of Landmark because I kept thinking about those damn reviews.

In all honesty, I expect that graduation is going to prove that a lot of those reviews have merit.

That being said, I also realized that I need to take a more well rounded view of things.

I know that for a FACT because people have posted negative reviews about one of my companies – and I’ve investigated their claims! So many people feel it easy to make an anonymous post (I consider a handle on a forum “anonymous” still). It’s no problem to sit behind a computer when there are no repercussions against how much they slander a company. What do they care if they lie?

So that being said, I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I let those negative Landmark reviews affect me so much. I’m especially disappointed that I wouldn’t allow myself to be OK with Landmark considering:

1. I’ve seen firsthand that people lie when reviewing companies

2. All my friends that went – personal, real life friends – SAID THEY GOT A LOT OUT OF IT

It’s now Monday night. I have the graduation tomorrow and I am stone-cold positive there’s going to be a lot of strong-handed tactics to get people to recruit friends. There’ll probably be enough to frustrate me. I don’t doubt it at all – my friends told me there were mind control techniques and I didn’t see enough yet to warrant their comments.

That being said, I will wholeheartedly recommend Landmark anyway. That’s because I DID see immediate and (for me) beyond drastic changes in my behavior already.

First of all, I’m going to Mexico tomorrow. I was in such diet mode for the past few weeks, thinking I needed to look good for my bikini, and that I wouldn’t look good until I reached a certain weight. I tell you, I have NEVER… NEVER, EVER, EVER been 100% OK with what I looked like. There are definitely days when I have “I look cute!” days, but in the back of my mind, I still saw myself as 250 pound Rachel. Today when I looked in the mirror, not only did I feel beautiful and confident, but I ate whatever I wanted – even though it’s thisclose to Mexico and I would have told myself before that potential bloat could ruin a bikini.

Also, I decided to NOT take my computer to Mexico. Burn Your To Do List had been kicking my butt for a while and I was making myself feel very guilty about taking a week off – like I’d be letting down people on my team, that I didn’t deserve to take the time off yet, etc… but Landmark really helped me see that I create my reality in a way that no book has been able to.

Obviously I cannot tell you what’s going to happen a month down the line – and I will do my best to make a follow-up post (feel free to prod me along if I’m taking a while) – but I can tell you that as of this point, I would recommend Landmark, that I think I am forever changed (time will tell for sure), and not to believe everything you read online.

I would also say to take what you want from it and disregard the rest. Like I said, I still do expect heavy recruitment techniques during graduation – no doubt about it – and I hope it’s not so obnoxious that it takes away from the content of the forum. At the end of the day though, I decided that I am going to take what is useful for me from the forum, disregard what is not, and stand by my recommendation.

Look out for more posts down the line about some cool things I learned.

I really love the practice because whenever I do it, it feels great. If I’m ever upset about something, by the time #10 rolls around, I can’t be unhappy anymore. It just isn’t possible.

Anyway… a few hours ago, I was super-stressed about some work stuff. Things had been going a LOT better with some things I was working on, but once I got home from a mastermind meeting today, everything seemed to just… not be great. I took a shower, I sang a bit, I wrote… and I thought I felt better… but when Otto got home and innocently asked if everything was okay, I got upset all over again. He sat, let me cry, and just listened. He couldn’t have handled it better, and I’m so so SO grateful for him… and inspired to write even more about what I’m grateful for.

So, here goes… 100 things I’m appreciative of:

1. TAJWAR ALEXANDER
2. Carrie Underwood – Cheesy maybe, but I’m listening as I type and it was the first thing I thought of. Her lyrics are just so uplifting, I can’t help but feel happy when I listen to them.
3. Jason Mraz’ “Life Is Wonderful” – awesome song.
4. And “Lucky” with Colbie Caillat – I love that one, too.
5. My near-daily conversations with Brian.
6. The fact that he laughs all the time!
7. The Hayhouse seminar I went to this weekend.
8. The AWESOME speech by Sonia Choquette
9. …and the book of hers I’m reading now, “Diary Of A Psychic”. I’ve read many of her others and I never fail to be in love with them.
10. The great text message I got from Mike Hill while I was there
11. And all the incredible people I surrounded myself with there!
12. Balboa Park, where I read a lot of the book today (that park is beyond amazing)
13. And there’s an awesome frozen yogurt place right near it – you go get yogurt, and then you pick your own toppings from a toppings bar near it… so freaking yummy…
14. I love that I haven’t wanted to over-indulge there! Everything in moderation.
15. When stressed today, I didn’t crave ice cream like I used to in the past. In fact, I craved a nice big SALAD!
16. Speaking of salads – hung out with an amazing couple of guys yesterday, David and Sean… super-healthy, incredible guys that I just LOVED being around.
17. And Sean cooked up tons of amazing raw and vegan salads that were insanely delicious
18. They gave Otto and I a care package when we went home
19. I thought it was awesome that Otto stopped everything he was doing to listen to me before, and just let me cry. He’s launching soon and very busy…
20. And I’m happy I let myself be vulnerable enough around him!
21. I love these lists, because I’m getting to be in such a super-good mood…
22. My new V.A. seems great!
23. …And some other people from odesk, too. I already have a few people on my team, but wanted to test out some more and I’ve been in love.
24. The ones I do have already – dude. The one guy just constantly thinks of new things to do, works super-hard… is SO knowledgeable… I’m so lucky for him…
25. I’m looking at my “293″ sign from the 5k I ran a few weeks ago. I love it!
26. I cleaned up the second bedroom/my office, emptied out 3 trash bags full of clothing, and decorated the room with really positive things. It feels great in here!
27. One of the things I have up is my list of feedback that I got from Toastmaster’s. Every time I spoke, people would give me individual feedback forms… I ended up making one “Master List” to save all the paper I was lugging, and it makes me feel so proud that I came so far… so I hung it up.
28. Another thing I have hung up is Otto’s business card. On his card, he has a list of his businesses. The last link he has on there is to my meditation site! How sweet is that?
29. I totally don’t want to be THAT girl, but… I have another Otto thing to be grateful for. On date night, we went and painted pottery. I picked a hot air balloon because I want to go over France with one, thought it’d be good inspiration… and we painted it together. Anyway, he painted “O.R. + R.R.” on there. Groan if you want, I’ll be swooning…
30. Another thing I have hung up is a woman named Kath’s phone number and address. She was a woman I met over in Dallas on one of my road trips. She was amazing, and I’m so lucky to have met her… the paper just reminds me of our great conversation.
31. Something else I hung up… a note that Valerie Waters sent me a little bit ago. I went to Philly for a few weeks and didn’t have my ValSlides. She sent me a free pair, to keep me going, and left a really sweet note too. She totally did NOT need to do that and I’m ridiculously appreciative (and by the way, her ValSlides are incredible).
32. Something else I have hung up… I went to my friend Mona and Gio‘s a while ago, and when I got there, they gave me a “What’s Your Pleasure?” menu. It had different things I could choose from – different activities to do, different foods they’d give if I wanted, and different drinks. It was so sweet!
33. I have a note from my sister hung up too… she sent me an awesome “dreamcatcher” box when she was over in Arizona. =)
34. Also have a picture of us on my shelf from when we were in Cancun. I love that picture!
35. I’m on #35, and I haven’t paused at all. I love that my life makes it so easy to be grateful!
36. Bubble baths (I think I used some of the same ones in RCR, but I can’t help it… these things rock!)
37. The moonroof on my car… I love opening it, the windows, blasting music, and driving around
38. And my car period… so glad to have it back. I love it!
39. Looking at a business card from someone I met at a mastermind today. That was a great meeting!
40. And I got to see Dr. Mike and my friend Joanna… Joanna and I decided to do “Date Night” on Wednesdays, so we make sure to hang out more often. Psyyyyched!
41. We can also share clothes, now that I’m down to a size 8.
42. Red Carpet Ready
43. BOOKS! I took all my books out of the closet inside the hall and put them underneath my window here in the office (well.. the excess ones that didn’t fit in the bookshelf – I still have to buy another one – or two). I like looking at these though, books make me happy.
44. Ooo, Dr. Mike has a bunch of awesome books and said I could borrow whatever I wanted!!
45. Met some stellar people at the “W” hotel on Saturday night. One guy invited Otto and I to San Francisco for 4th of July, so we can sail under the fireworks then. Pretty rad!!
46. I think Otto and I are going on a Europe trip starting September, with some other marketers perhaps. That should be AWESOME.
47. And how can I not be grateful that I can go and do something like that, whenever I want? I LOVE not having to answer to anyone!
48. Got some more meditations back for my site. I’m loving them.
49. AND I sent some sneak peek meditations to an incredible lady I’m working with, and she was in love with them… AND the book that I had written for the site, too. The great feedback made me feel awesome.
50. Met a stellar publicist this weekend, she was giving me tips on publishing my book.
51. Looking at this foot cream on my desk… makes me feet nice and soft.
52. Pedicures!
54. And manicures, too.
54. Date nights
55. Broccoli (especially with slivered almonds and feta cheese! I may transition out of dairy soon, but for now, I’m enjoying it. )
56. Alphabetical ordering my some of closest friends, starting with: Alison
57. Brian K
58. Brian M
59. Chadwick
60. Desi
61. Evan
62. Jaime
63. Jason
64. Jen
65. Laura
66. Otto
67. Rodney
68. Ryan
69. The fact that I didn’t do that to add onto the list or anything… I just really am super-appreciative for them. I could probably go to 500 things I was grateful for, if I wanted.
70. I looked at my cell to make sure I didn’t forget about anyone … I didn’t, but was reminded of some new great friends that are sure to be super-close soon… Joanna and Jason, for sure.
71. Mona and Gio Am looking forward to hanging with them more, because they’re wonderful wonderful people!
72. The fact that I grossly overuse “amazing”, “incredible”, “stellar”, “fascinating”, and most frequently, “awesome”
73. Going on a cruise to Alaska with Jaime, Matthew, and his girlfriend soon. Will be SO FUN!!!
74. Going on a cruise with my mom soon too
75. My family!
76. Erin Pavlina
77. Steve Pavlina
78. I have a Gmail extension manager on Firefox, and it always tells me when I have new email. For some reason it isn’t working right now, and I’m pretty grateful for that, because I don’t need to be checking email anyway.
79. There’s sooo much to learn… it’s so exciting.
80. DUDE. Otto and I are doing evaluations on each other and our relationship soon. Who does that!?!? We’re psyched to continue making our relationship even better… I love it!!
81. The fact that the beach is a BLOCK from our house. At night we’ll go walking along it, it’s secluded and basically our beach… LOVE that… and during the day, it’s just so beautiful to watch…
82. I know I shouldn’t have them that often, but… acai bowls are mindboggingly delicious.
83. I’ll balance that out by saying I love my Valslides.
84. I have date night with Otto on Tuesdays, Joanna on Wednesdays, and Jaime on Thursdays. On one hand I hate making plans, on the other, it’s so rad to have so many people that I love and want to make sure I keep in my life on a daily basis.
85. I was debating between doing this as a blog post, or a blog post about how I go back and forth about being an IMer. I’m glad I went this route because it’s seriously like a drug. I recommend it to anyone!
86. Just turned my head and saw a mini VW bug (toy car) that I have hanging on my shelf. When I was a manager, the people I managed bought it for me and said I should drive that (I used to get in accidents a lot). It was a joke type thing, and I loved that I had such a good relationship with everyone I managed.
87. …and that I’ve gotten in pretty crazy accidents, and was protected every time.
88. Also have a bracelet on my shelf from one of my best friends… she made it for me back in 2nd grade. Every time I see it, my heart smiles.
89. My sister needed her own line (“family” just doesn’t encompass it well enough)
90. So does my brother
91. And my mom
92. And stepdad
93. Even though I don’t talk to him much, I’m grateful for my dad
94. Iron Mountain (so fun to hike up there!)
95. Belly dancing
96. Any dancing, really… makes me very happy. Even if I’m not so stellar at it.
97. Taking sewing classes with Joanna soon!
98. The fact that I have all bills paperless, so if I get mail, it’s only GOOD mail.
99. San Diego is really amazing.
100. Writing
101. The “Feel Good” playlist on my ipod
102. The “Workout” list, too
103. I’m going to go read for a little bit… but I find it absolutely spectacular that I’m at #102, finished this in less than half an hour, and haven’t even begun to feel at a loss for things to write about.

Life is good.

This seems to be my life story – especially as of late. The more I grow, the more I realize I have SO MUCH MORE to learn.

It’s really hard for me to come to terms with this! I’ve always had the attitude that I’d like to work super-hard at first, get to desired solution, and then sit back. With growth though, it just doesn’t happen that way. It’s never-ending.

I met a guy I really, really respect back in June. He’s super-successful and full of amazing advice. I thought he was absolutely brilliant, wise, enlightened… and then I talked to his wife.

She was madly in love with him, which I expected… but she also told me some not-so-stellar things about him. Things that revealed a lack of confidence, insecurity, etc…

It left me feeling so unsettled!

I know nobody’s “perfect”, but it’s almost like… like, I’ll continue to do this growing… and there will never be a “stop” point. There will always be something I need to work through.

I mean, I could sit back and be happy with where I’ve come in a few short years – I used to tear up (even in casual, party-type situations) whenever I had to talk with two or more people at once. I felt so unworthy of attention. One-on-one I was awesome, but forget about more than that. I used to be ridiculously judgmental and used my book smarts as a shield to hide my insecurities. The list goes on and on…

But now that I’ve gotten past that, there’s whole new levels of things to go through – such as why I’m so picky, why I place my worth on some really foolish things, and so forth.

And I totally understand the benefits of continuing to grow – you raise your vibrations, you attract higher quality people, you can serve more people, etc…

But it’s still hard to come to terms with the fact that there’s no “end goal” (unless you count enlightenment).

I recently did an exercise with a good friend that I really trust. We’re both incredibly into development, so this was a super-fun exercise for both of us. We filled out categories about each other and then about ourselves. We promised each other that we’d be extremely vulnerable, and figured we’d have an average of 1-2 paragraphs for each section.

Here were the categories we used:

Business
Friend Relationships
Love Relationships
Self confidence
Goals in life
Direction
Self awareness
Emotional Life (how in touch with emotions you are)
Character
Spiritual Life
Quality Of Life
Top 5 Challenges
Top 5 Strengths

The exercise was unbelievable. My head’s still going into overdrive – both with the results he gave me (which were incredible, and it’s great to get someone else’s view – especially if that someone is empathetic and intelligent enough to not only see/feel things and put himself in my position, but to articulate them), but with what I ended up writing out about myself.

I realized that I have way more to get through than I ever thought, especially confidence-wise… but I also was given new focus, and understood a lot more. Coupled with some recent feedback I got from someone I met on a message board, and… wow.

The results are going to dramatically improve who I am, my relationships, and my business… which in turn will help me serve others more.

I highly recommend doing this exercise with someone you trust. I’ve read a million books, sites, etc… but very little (the only thing that comes to mind is Warrior Camp) has given me such concrete, power-packed information like this.

It doesn’t matter who your “God” is, it’s the message:

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;…
Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior
motives;…
Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true
enemies;…
Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;…
Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy
overnight;…
Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;…
Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;…
Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be
enough;…
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them… anyway.

…I won!

I am the proud new owner of a MacBook air, an iPod Touch, the Flip Camera, a Nintendo DS Lite, $1500 in advertising… and more.

And dude, I totally found out about the contest 1.5 months too late. But… I “worked smarter, not harder”… and quickly got stuff done via other people.

Love it! 

I don’t know if it was the cold weather (I miss California!), the fact that I want my launch to get more traffic… or what.

All I know is I’d been unhappy, and it was affecting my mindset about everything (personal relationships, product launches, confidence… all of it.)

Anyway… this morning, I finally realized that enough was enough.

Usually if I get upset, I’ll go to the gym and I’m in great spirits again. The thing with that though… is that it’s temporary.

So this morning, I searched for my Warrior Camp notebook. I mean… the event that helped me drive cross country by myself could surely lift a bad mood… right?

Right.

!%$#@%$#!%$#@@

That camp was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Re-reading my notes (as well as a letter that I wrote to myself while I was there) has already caused a huge paradigm shift.

Man, I’m in such a better mood.

There’s a few important things that I learned that I’m going to share:

1. Your thoughts directly lead to your feelings, which lead to the actions that you take. The actions that you take dictate the results that you get.

Thoughts – Feelings – Actions = Results.

Basic but huge.

2. The definition of fear is anticipation of pain. That’s downright idiotic. Why should anyone be fearful of something that doesn’t even exist!?

3. Nothing has meaning except for the MEANING YOU GIVE IT. Man, this is so huge.

I actually had a bit of a disagreement with a friend the other day because of two different perceptions.

I was talking to him about a date that I might go on (it was kind of under weird circumstances). My friend asked me if the guy was shallow, because if he was, I might get disappointed. I took it to mean that he was saying that I was unattractive… so I got insulted.

(If I had reread my Warrior book first, I would’ve realized that it doesn’t matter what other people think of me anyway. If anyone doesn’t like me… fuck ‘em. )

But anyway, turns out that we had different meanings of the word “shallow”… and he was shocked I took it that way. Once I figured out what he really meant, the conversation took a completely different tone.

Nothing has meaning except for the meaning that you give it.

4. There’s a tributary effect with negative thoughts. Every time you have one negative thought, it leads to another, which leads to another.

And logically speaking… what does negative thinking get you? Nothing.

Here’s a story that I’ve shared before:

I had a conversation with my best friend about positive thinking about a year ago. I told her that I was going to only be positive and she told me I was being “idealistic”.

“Idealistic? Why?”

“Because Rach… what happens if your house burns down? What are you supposed to say then?”

You can’t do anything if your house burns down… it’s BURNT. No point being negative about it – what’s done is done!

5. Commit to success before you even start something. If you have a goal, think to yourself… “What would happen if I didn’t reach this before “X” period? What if I had my family on the line behind me and their well-being was dependent on my success?”

It might sound weird… but it works.

6. This is my personal favorite. I know that I drive a lot of people crazy with my “word is bond” stuff… but quite frankly, I don’t care.

Personal Integrity leads to Self Trust which leads to Self Confidence… which again, equals Action.

(It also leads to other people trusting you, having confidence in you, and taking action with you.)

!%$#@!%$#@ I freaking love that. Integrity integrity integrity. It’s huge.

There’s a lot more that I learned from that camp… but I want everyone to have the experience for themselves.

When people ask me what the proudest moment of my life was, I have a 3-way tie…. driving cross country by myself, losing 100 pounds, and graduating Warrior Camp. It was that monstrous.

I can’t stress again how much everyone should go. It’s only around during the summer… but you can read “Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind” by T. Harv Eker to prime yourself. I’m told there are other great positive mindset books as well, which I’ll write about once I read them.

I really don’t have a lot of time this weekend, so I made a quick recording to briefly discuss my experiences.

Point blank – You need to go there. I don’t care who you are.

As I said in the audio, if you are struggling to afford it, let me know, and I’ll send you back the affiliate commission that I get when you sign up. I have no problem doing that – I feel that strongly about the camp. (If you can afford it, please be fair).

They do have payment plans… and again, like I said in the audio, I don’t care what your situation is. I don’t care if you’re living out of a cardboard box. You need to go. The end.

For some reason, I can’t get the audio to be embedded in the page. I’m sure I could do it if I put more time into it, but I’m really in a hurry. Please just download the file right here.

If you call and give my name, then you have 30 days from June 28 to get the special seminar pricing of $2995 (the class is normally $5995 or $6995 – I don’t remember which one). You really need to act fast though, because they only do the classes during summertimes, and most of them sell out a year in advance. There are a few classes with limited seating available though.Call 1-888-868-8883, give them my name for the discounted price, and sign up! You can also view more about the camp right here.

YOU NEED TO GO.

P.S. – I’m sort of in a hurry, so I didn’t have time to edit out the 53 million times that I said “like”, “incredible”, or “powerful”. And I usually talk faster than that, so be grateful. )

P.P.S. – Despite what it sounds like, I swear I’m 24.

Anyway… Jambhala and I hit it off really well, and we started emailing each other on a daily basis. We have great conversations, and the emails are often extremely long (some would probably be over 10 pages if printed out).

It’s always really fun to wake up in the morning and read my daily email from him!

Anyway, I digress.

I was writing an email to Jambhala one day and felt like the email sounded really negative. I try to think as positively as possible, so I didn’t feel right about sending an email with that “feel” to it. Because of that, I made myself list some positive things that happened throughout the day.

That has since morphed into making a “Success Journal” (something that I learned from T. Harv Eker). Pretty much, every day when I email Jambhala, I’ll tell him about 5 personal successes that have happened to me.

This is really great for my mindset, and it really forces me to make sure that I have those personal successes.

So why am I telling you all this?

I decided to start posting these successes to my blog as well. Why not? It’s my blog!

I welcome anybody that reads this to add their personal successes in the comments, or to make their own journal. It really is very empowering.

The lists are going to read like I’m talking to someone. That’s because I am – I’m copying and pasting the lists directly from the emails that I send to Jambhala. I might make a few “Rachel’s notes” sections… but for the most part, they’re verbatim.

So without further ado:
1. Interns call was fun, the whole SalesBully.com thing seems really interesting, and I’m excited to do teleseminars. Actually, I might do one with Andrew Wee soon, too.

2. I have the best friends ever. I kind of had a weird situation with a guy that I went on a few dates with (the one I told you about) last night, and the night ended pretty awkwardly. I’d go into details, but at this point, I made the email so long already! Anyway, they gave me some great advice, and it worked out well.

3. I’ve been using this ninja strategy to get top rankings for certain lenses. I ended up getting to be #1, #3, and #7 for “*** (Rachel’s note: took that out)” on Google, and I made a sale today. Yay!

(Pretty much, I do *** (Rachel’s note: took that out just in case I decide to sell the information). I told Simon and he says I should write a report about that and all of the content ideas that I have for membership sites. It seems like a good idea, but again… focus!!)

4. I reran my WSO (Rachel’s note: I do this under the name “Olga”… long story) and have made 7 sales so far today.

5. A few awesome people found my WSO and asked if we could cross-promote, which will hopefully work out well. I’m excited about it!