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Yep – what the title says.
This experience has been crazy.
Not fun.
Emotional.
Embarrassing as all get-out.
I’ve hyperventilated a few times. One time for over an hour.
But… I know it needs to happen.
Otto and I were flawed from the beginning.
Neither of us ever got the feeling the other was “The One”.
We had so much love for each other though… so much respect, such a deep soul to soul connection… that we tried to override the fact that we never had the passion, the romance, the stuff that separates lovers from best friends.
It’s been 3 years and 3 days since we first got together.
And even on January 11, 2009, I remember sitting in a car with Otto, talking about if we should get together.
He was torn. He said he really liked me, we had so much in common, etc… but I just wasn’t his “type” and it was really messing up his mind.
Now before you judge that… please realize that most men have a “type”. It might not be a specific body type, or hair color, or whatever… but most men are hard-wired to be drawn to a particular type of woman.
And since men are visual creatures… this is important.
I don’t know why we got together even then. I think it’s because we both knew we had things to learn from each other.
Since we got together we’ve had 4 or 5 conversations about us breaking up. We even did break up for a few months.
But we ultimately kept getting back together.
I guess we had more to learn.
Through our relationship we’ve always had impeccable communication. We’re both always incredibly honest with each other and I know we’ll still be there for each other no matter what.
My family loves Otto and he loves them.
Otto and I will still do a few biz things together (which was another flaw I think… I don’t want to do business with a romantic partner again in the future. It can be a real passion-slasher.)
I just know we need to not be together in a marriage capacity. That it’s time to transition our relationship.
I have zero desire to settle.
And both of us would be settling.
Bigtime.
I know I have a lot to do while I’m here on earth.
A LOT.
And while I don’t know what all of that is yet… I do know that having a relationship that I don’t feel completely congruent with isn’t helping me find out my purpose any time sooner.
And having a husband who has never really been that attracted to me is terrible for my sense of self-confidence and esteem.
We both deserve better than that. We deserve passion. We deserve total head-over-heels in love.
I’m not crazy. I know that things aren’t always going to be rosy. I know that marriages need to be worked on. I get all that.
But this isn’t about a rough patch.
Our relationship has always had this undertone.
I think the universe agrees with us. The day after we decided to divorce, after Otto had been having a string of bad luck business-wise, he closed $10k worth of business and acquired a big piece of a company.
I might be coming off as nonchalant about all of this, but trust me, I’m not. I’ve been extremely eaten up about it. Like I said, I had my hyperventilation sessions. I cried in the middle of Starbucks (more than once). I had my screaming sessions. I cursed the universe (with real “OOMPH” on the f-word.)
I felt like a FOOL. We’ve only been married 7 months. And I know people have such judgment about divorce, how people don’t give it enough effort, etc etc…
But we really have tried. We’ve been together for 3 years.
Both of us had huge freak-out sessions the day before the wedding. I think we both knew it wasn’t right… but our love for each other on a best friend level made us do it anyway, because we didn’t want to hurt the other person.
At the end of the day though… my heart knew it was coming. Otto and I made 2012 goals on December 31st. Last night we were talking about how Otto never included me in his. And mine said, “I am in the relationship of my dreams” and “My man worships me and I worship him”.
I never specifically said Otto’s name.
When I mentioned this to Otto yesterday, he said “I do worship you, but not in the way you want.”
Case closed I guess.
Edit: We’re getting annulled. We just learned that since Otto doesn’t know if he’ll be ready to have kids in the 3 years he initially promised, we legally fall into an annulment. That was another huge reason for us to lean this way.
Hi Rachel
I was sorry to read about your divorce. There are things we can share if you be willing to communicate with me. I promise to help you in this difficult time. Remember that no matter what I did not divorce you as a matter of fact I did not initiate the divorce or wanted to divorce mom either. I think you should give it a chance and I am looking forward to hear from you.
Love you,
Dad
I would say move on, get away for a while and look at it as a life changing. It’s always good to talk about this and looking back, you may never really was ready to commit.
Take your time and change the way you think about yourself.
As long as you let your mom running your life, that what you will end up! It is time to move away and handle your own life or you will face displeasure for the rest of your life! Your mom is too self-centered to think about you! Trust me I am the blessed one of the family to be so far away from her or she would have destroyed more valuable years of my life. I started new wonderful life the minute I got away from her! Your mom runs her life by acting towards people who trusted her by being: dishonest, mystifying person, devious, embezzling their money and doing unforgiving wrong things. That is what your mother is. The faster you comprehend these facts the faster your life will make a massive turn for the best and you can count on me to be there for you when these times arrive.
As long as you let your mom running your life, that what you will end up! It is time to move away and handle your own life or you will face displeasure for the rest of your life! Your mom is too self-centered to think about you! Trust me I am the blessed one of the family to be so far away from her or she would have destroyed more valuable years of my life. I started new wonderful life the minute I got away from her! Your mom runs her life by acting towards people who trusted her by being: dishonest, mystifying person, devious, embezzling their money and doing unforgiving wrong things. That is what your mother is. The faster you comprehend these facts the faster your life will make a massive turn for the best and you can count on me to be there for you when these times arrive.
As long as you let your mom running your life, that what you will end up! It is time to move away and handle your own life or you will face displeasure for the rest of your life!!! Your mom is too self-centered to think about you! Trust me I am the blessed one of the family to be so far away from her or she would have destroyed more valuable years of my life. I started new wonderful life the minute I got away from her!!! Your mom runs her life by acting towards people who trusted her by being: dishonest, mystifying person, devious, embezzling their money and doing unforgiving wrong things. That is what your mother is. The faster you comprehend these facts the faster your life will make a massive turn for the best and you can count on me to be there for you when these times arrive.
I would say move on, get away for a while and look at it as a life changing. It's always good to talk about this and looking back, you may never really was ready to commit.
Take your time and change the way you think about yourself.
I would say move on, get away for a while and look at it as a life changing. It's always good to talk about this and looking back, you may never really was ready to commit.
Take your time and change the way you think about yourself.
Another PS. I just reread what you wrote. So you didn’t get married too quickly. And you did know that your passion wasn’t there, and that there should be some passion available, to which I agree. But 3 years is actually the most likely crisis point of a supposedly securely committed relationship. Because the biologically based passion finally slides off into the outback. Researchers aren’t certain what the neurochemistry is, but most are sure that there must be some, because of worldwide evidence for the 3 year rule. Passion isn’t the same as great sex, as I’m sure you know, but great sex can easily last beyond the first year and carry one onward into year 3.
Dear Rachel, I’ve studied romantic relatinships since the first time I recapped and studied my own series at the age of 41 in 1983. I got a my second PhD at Union Institute & U:niversity thru writing a textbook Love & Intimate Relationships: Journeys of the Heart (Bruner-Mazel, 2000) between 1993 & 1999–but I won’t go on tooting my own horn, because my now 28 year love/26.5yr marriage is not as easy as it was before we had our only child, who’s been in chronic pain since age 10 from a congenital disease–for which I am the major carrier, tho MAYBE if my wife Pamela had chosen NOT to marry me because she didn’t like the way I naturally smell and I’d married somebody who DID like my smell, my progeny might have been spared the full brunt of the disease, as I was.
I too wrote down, in 1984 what I wanted in a life partner–because I ;had already had 6 relationships of 9months or longer, up to 9 years on the first of those. I didn’t try to specify too much of what I expected, and LOOKS, SMELL, OR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR WAS NEVER A SPECIFIC PART OF MY SHOPPING LIST. (So I don’t agree with the “most men have a type” unless I retrofit those i’ve loved longer than the 60-day free-trial period (which was unintentional until after I discovered that to be a major watershed for long-lasting vs short-lasting loves) into 2 main types, and then that STILL DOESN’T work.)
I don’t know much of your relationship history, which is one of the better ways I use to study what might work, ever since I started doing that about myself. But I say with some confidence that getting married in less than 12 months after you first start getting to know someone is putting your HEART IN YOUR HANDS AND PANHANDLING ON A STREET CORNER. It takes 1 to 6 months to turn up the first major could-break-it mismatches, probably irreconcilable differences, and the last time I didn’t act on that awareness, I enjoyed a satisfying domestic paradise together for another 2 years with further dwindling core happiness until her psychic girlfriend persuaded her to agree to my invitation to explore in couples therapy what might be the flies in our ointment, and almost six months from there till breakup.
I did believe 1 month into the new one after that (that came “too soon” after that breakup according to my prior experience to be more than a “healing relationship”) that she was probably the one I’d been searching for because of 2 factors, neither of which were “my type.” But I must confess that according to her informal love history every guy she ever let in sexually close wanted to marry her in a month,and stuck with her as long as she’d let him, because of her aphrodisian beauty and sexual eagerness–a downright deadly combination for men, I must agree. So I could have been deluded, or “bewitched” as the old song goes. But I was not delusional. And I WAS HER TYPE, again not much because of ectomorphy, but because my personal warmth, astro-sign and some core talents matched her sainted-early-lost father, and because a central focus of my intelligence matched hers: Psychotherapy, Symbolism, Literature. We still waited almost a month for embarking on the sacrament of intercourse and almost 18 months, the average courtship-before-marriage time in ancient and medieval America, ie up until the 1970s and the sacrificial aberration that is Military Life.
In Summ: Don’t get married before 1 year, so that you have 6 months at least to wrestle with your irreconcilable differences; don’t start living together in the first or second month, because the flypaperjoys of sex can honeyflood away your better judgment and derange your emotional accuracy for 1 to 3 years.
I could come up with more Do’s & Don’ts, but they probably wouldn’t generalize as well as these two about plain old timing. I have a lot more to teach, but that’s for personal psychotherapy& Couples therapy in person or @ distance.
Finally, I’m VERY GRATEFUL to you for witnessing honestly to what you’ve learned, as I view it, that Affirmations may get those prayers answered, but Constraining your Radarfield turns out to be Fooling yourself, because your Conscious intentions are Way too Muddied by the unrecognizable delusions hatched from within your unconscious territorial corner of the universe.
And PS, If an Astrology chart were to show that 2 folks would be amazingly compatible AND TURNED ON to each other, that would probably be as bad as the conscious affirmation route you took. Because (my guess) any relationship that doesn’t have tragic flaws and/or irreconcilable differences, is too good to be true, and it will bite you. Go for the Imperfection instead–but not blindly by starting too soon.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Rachel!
My condolences on the demise of your marriage–and congrats on a new beginning in life.
I’d like to recommend a GREAT book on finding the one without settling OR being unrealistic: “If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?”
The author Susan Page conveyed a lot of wisdom accumulated through the growing pains she had in relationships until she found her husband Mayer.
I got a lot out of this book, and I hope you will find some wisdom in it also :-)
A video on the topic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I4OK9DmLpCY#!
Hi Rachel,
It does seem more and more likely that we each create our own life circumstances (perhaps only on an unconscious, soul level) to give ourselves the growth opportunities we need in this life. (My spiritual teacher calls them FGO’s [f-ing growth opportunities]!)
Whether or not we see that as operating in our lives, you show more genuine love for your customers and friends than anybody I’ve ever met in this industry. And I firmly believe that this love is already being reflected back to you, and will just grow, as you move into your next chapter.
You have a lot to share in your work and your life, and I’m sure that you will continue to attract many wonderful people into your life. Thanks so much for sharing so beautifully, and very best wishes for the Year of the Dragon!
With gratitude and kindness,
Matthew
Hi Rachel,
Back on Nov. 1, I decided to end the relationship I had with the woman I dated for 11 years, 8 months, because I was not getting my needs met.
Since that time I’ve learned exactly what I’m looking for in a partner, and this past weekend I had my first date with the woman who seems to have been created to very nearly perfectly match those qualities.
My hunch is that within a few months you will be extremely happy you both ended things, because had you not, the wonderful romance-in-waiting would not have been!
Joyfully,
Dan
the perfect romance that shows up right after you end the longest one ever is 100% likely to be made-to-order as a healing relationship, since your unconscious radar seeks out a person with some very significant qualities that lead to behavior together that undo the very wounds you’re carrying from the one that just died (except that it’s not dead for many years after it’s over, and it comes back zombielike to motivate thoughts and actions that can overheat or destroy what seems so perfect in the beginning. Look up healing relationships (i haven’t, because I’ve written pretty well on them in the appendix to Love & Intimate relationships (Norman Brown & Ellen Amatea, 2000). Healing rels aren’t necessarily doomed once their contribution to your emotional healing has been accomplished, but their reasons for being so compelling that you can’t notice anything that isn’t just about perfect will ebb away.
JOY that’s born of blind relief from suffering is still genuine JOY.
Norman Brown
:(
and then,
:)
Can’t say much more than that, except maybe…
Be Well!
ECS Dave
Rachel,
Sending luvs <3 and (((hugs))) your way!
You deserve the best!
Awesome post! I will keep an on eye on your blog.
Rachel,
So sorry that you have to go through this! Wishing you all the happiness your heart can handle! You have such a big heart and deserve a life filled with love & passion! Here’s to finding true love!!
Sorry to hear it sister! I know exactly how you feel though. I even had kids with mine and when you add that in to the mix it really gets tough. You two are young which makes the break easier as well.
I hope you have a smooth transition back to single life and that the Universe brings you face to face with your desitny sooner then later.
Just don’t force it!
Don’t put it all on your female schedule either!
Remember, your partner has hopes and desires as well…
Hopefully the two will mesh.
Life is crazy for sure!!!
God Bless!
Ryan K
Rachel… this is fantastic news. I don’t get why everyone is saying how sad it is.
The fact that you guys are being so honest with each other, and deciding NOT to compromise your true feelings – and your futures – is incredibly mature. It takes far bigger balls than most people have. I commend you both.
Your post is so beautifully written and it really hits home for me because some people I love are splitting up after nearly 20 years of marriage. The reason is that one of them was not honest and did not want to hurt the others feelings.. 20 DAMN YEARS and a child ago!
That’s a long time to live in quiet misery.
I think you guys are brave for deciding this now before your lives expand together in ways that would make splitting so hard on so many.
I know it hurts now… but you sound very grounded about it. I know you’re going to be alright and “the one” is out there for you. Lucky bastard.
Congratulations to you both,
Kevin
Hey Rachel, nothing to say hey.. Wait, one thing: We LOVE you! Looking forward to hug you one day in the future :-)
Shit. I finished your post… I think I may need to do the same thing (though I have a spousal equivalent and you have a spouse- I procreated and you were intelligent). Several parts of that post stuck my in the gut (not my type- passionless (the passion was NUTS at first- at first was some time ago). You know my heart goes out to you (said that on FB) and I know the humiliation from marriage #1 (for all the wrong reasons and I barely count it as more than a stunt) But this time it’ll be much worse. The message you gave me was one that’s been spinning around my head, “Why are you waiting for someone else to decided what’s acceptable for your life experience?”
Hey I understand and have been almost where you are more than a couple times in my marriage. I’ve been married going on 18yrs and it’s been hard. There are always challenges and most of the time you are together no matter how good it seems there are problems.
One thing I’ve learned over the past year ( yes I’m still learning after 17+ years ) is most of what I wasn’t happy with had more to do with me and less to do with my spouse. All too often we set expectations in our heads that are unrealistic and then hold people to those expectations. The bad part is you can start to resent your spouse for not living up to them, and if they don’t you blame them.
Often people are searching for themselves in the other person and looking for that person to complete them. The only person that can complete you is you. The best a spouse can do is compliment you.
However if you find they don’t even complement you then it may be time to ask if the relationship is the right one for you. I hope things work out for you and I’m sure they will. Just wanted to drop a little advise from someone who’s lived through the hard times with a spouse and gotten through it.
BTW most people that don’t know me think that when I tell them how long I’ve been married that I’m much older. I’m only 42 so it’s possible for us GenX’ers to get and stay married.
Something tells me you will be just fine… fighting them off until you find the right one.
Sending you hugs and support…
Stephanie
Rachel & Otto,
You should both appreciate the fact that you acknowledge this feeling early on. A life lived is a life lived in pure happiness.
It’s sad, painful, yet on the other side you both can learn from the experience and listen to the inner voice a bit more consciously.
I wish you both beautiful happiness. No judgment, just admirement (if that’s even a word). You know yourselves better than anyone else
God bless,
Chris
Wow…. jaysus! Really deep and meaningful and powerful enough to get me thinking…. it’s so great you are strong enough to say it’s not right… and not meant to be… man that takes a lot to do that… I’m supportive of you (both) all the way… amazing… all up from here… Martin
Rachel,
You are doing the right thing. And when you know that it’s right, then nobody has the right to judge you in any way whatsoever.
I can relate 100% when you say that “…we both knew it wasn’t right… but our love for each other on a best friend level made us do it anyway, because we didn’t want to hurt the other person.” I’ve been there too. Forgot about my inner voice and notion of my ideal partner – not only the one I wanted, but the one I n e e d e d in order to feel, do and be what defines me as a person.
Didn’t work out well.
I also started thinking I would never find my ideal partner. That it would remain an impossible dream. Turns out I was wrong. I had to literally travel half way around the globe to find her, and she turned out to have a lot more ideal qualities than I had even imagined.
So I know you will also find what you are seeking. We have never met, except through your emails and blog, but that’s enough for me to know that you will achieve anything you decide, truly decide, to accomplish. Your consciousness of the universe and how it supports you is a very good starting point.
Do get in touch if you would like to know more about what I did or just chat.
John
Matraca Berg writes and sings beautiful songs. This one I send to you, along with many hugs.
http://youtu.be/SjTTkA-BX_c
Dlynn (Sam)
Definitely time to talk to someone like Robert Ohotto about the specific lessons of your Saturn return… I know it hurts now, and may for a while as you excavate the deeper roots, but doing that work over this year is the KEY to the next 30 years workin much better than you can currently dream of.
I believe in your 2012 intention. And this is the first step of that comin true. And you know as well as me… Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or GREATER benefit.
Trust it, and allow yourself to feel the depth of this challenge, and all the precursors leading up to this last straw.
Your golden ;-)
C
You are so loved and so supported! I’m here if you ever want to talk. Sending you lots of love.
Dear Rachel,
Maya is no desirable place for enlightened folk…. well done!
Blessings upon you both.
Doug.
Rachel, I hear your pain and hate knowing anyone has to go through such a range of emotions. I guess it’s all part of the learning process too – the fiercer we feel, the more passion we pour into it, helps us move through our troubles and beyond. I applaud your transparency and forthright sharing. I love that about you. By being you, you help others.
I believe are no mistakes, only lessons. And you’re stepping into one of the bigger ones in life because you won’t settle. Gosh, girl, that hit me right in the heart. I want you to know that YOU, your journey, and your wisdom have touched me today and given me a lesson (because I’ve been settling).
Thank you for that nudge I needed to hear.
Sending you energy to lighten every day going forward. All the best to you both.
Debra
Rachel,
The heart wants what it wants. You should follow your heart’s desires.
Though this didn’t work out for you, don’t give up on love.
The Good Lord already has someone that is perfect for you and he will come into your life when the time is right.
My prayers and well wishes are with you.
Michael
Remember Rachel, no goal is beyond your reach.
First woman President, First woman on the Moon, First woman to quarterback an NFL team to a SuperBowl Championship…
OK OK maybe you don’t need to do all those things, but I do believe you and Otto experienced more personal growth in your three years together than a lot of people do in a lifetime.
And really, we’re all just growing… that’s what it’s all about.
And never settle. That’s what my wife did with me, and how she’s stuck with me…. haha
There’s a great vegan restaurant right around the corner from where I work in The Lakes, and you have an open invitation for lunch any time you want. Just let me know.
Rachel,
I think you are an absolutely beautiful woman.
Both inside and out.
My heart goes out to you.
You still have so much life to live.
I was 29 before I met my forever true love.
While it sucks right now, it’s better now than when there are kids involved.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
You deserve the best.
Hugs!
Hello Rachel,
I am so sorry to hear about your impending divorce, I know first hand that it is a very gut-wrenching feeling so my heart goes out to you both.
From your writing it is plain to see that you love each other very much indeed, unfortunately though it does seem as though you both were not “in love” with each other so although it will be very painful right now, you are both doing the right thing.
Many people frown on divorce but you only have one life to live, so it’s far better for both of you to be as happy as you can be and enjoy the short time we all have in this world, eventually the pain will ease and “the one” will appear for you both and at that time you will be very glad that you took the action that you are about to take.
I’m sure that your friendship will continue and you will always have special feelings for one another, so try to take comfort in that and hopefully the pain will start to diminish a little sooner.
You are a very kind and loving lady and you deserve to be happy, I hope that time will come for you very soon.
Warmest regards
David.
Hey Bestest Woman,
My thoughts, prayers and healing energy are flying your way.
Love ya bunches,
Martha
Rachel,
Been there, done that. It was a matter of “Deference of Opinions”. But things are good since then. And they will be good for you too. “As one door closes, another opens.” Smile and walk through. Your future is on the other side.
Take Charge!
Lary
Rachel, don’t feel like a fool. I applaud the way you see and understand the honest situation of two people. No blame. If you continued for the next 20 years without passion and not listening to your gut…. then you would be a complete idiot :-) …
Well done both of you….. if only all failing relationships could handle the break with such honest realness.
Tend to yourself…… We IMers have plenty to keep us occupied while you have your time….
Love to your future
Jenny
Rachel,
It may be tough now, but this too shall pass…
Know that there is a “tomorrow” to look forward to — and tomorrow will be a New day filled with New people, New opportunities, and New experiences — A NEW LIFE awaits you… so go through this tough time with the right perspective…
Take Care,
Buen
Rache – your honesty is almost too muc to bear. I am deply sorry that this is happening – and damn it I only know you through the internet!!
It took me 3 goes before I found ‘The One’ and in each previous case I came to realise that being married was about me and my needs and my perception of the other – or how I swa them…each time it ended painfully and each time I grew a bit more.
So the short version – it sucks, it hurts but you know in your gut it is right and… you will move on and flourish and grow and when you least expect it you will find ‘The One’.
Be well, cry a little, laugh a bit and take care of yourself,
Rachel,
My deepest sympathies. I have been divorced twice before and I know the gut wrenching feelings and the what ifs that can pop up. There is a good side. I am still friends with both my ex’s and have been married to my present bride for the last 30 years. A lot of time has past and when you are in the right marriage, the previous emotional upheaval will fade.
Be blessed my dear.
Clarence
Hey Rachel,
Love, prayers and peace to you.
I’m sorry for your heartache and very proud of you for not settling.
All the best to both you and Otto – and may your wonderful friendship
continue.
Robin
Rachel, so sorry to hear this. You are clearly a courageous person that is on the journey of self discovery and growth. This is a big step for you and while painful…you will come out stronger on the other side. I’m sad that you have to go through this as you seem such a wonderful person, but I’m happy for you that you are on a path of liberation and have the self awareness to know this.
I’ve also danced with pain a few times, and what helps me… (this is why I share it) is that I try to remain in a state of gratitude (for the learning experience), focus on living in the now, being of service to others and generally getting out of self as much as possible.
Anyways, that’s enough rambling from me.
I wish you and Otto the best.
Peace,
Sean
My marriage lasted just 3 years, but Mr Perfect first brought up divorce during our honeymoon. Turns out it was all about the chase (to him). Thank goodness you have a loving family and huge community to support you. Never, ever settle.
Cheers
Hi Rachel,
I’m so sorry to hear you and Otto are divorcing because that is such a difficult decision and process.
But HUGE Congratz to both of you for knowing when this phase of your soul mate relationship is over. On the soul level you are both best friends who agreed to play very important roles in each others’ lives.
You will both be able now to clarify and deepen insights learned. Since you want a full-out, lifetime partner and children, that is what you now have the choice to create, when you are ready.
Don’t rush. Grieve as long as it takes. And know that your perfect, all-systems-go, two-way lifelong soul mate is waiitng. Fortunately and as with everything else in life, there is no lack in the relationship possibilities we each have access to. ;-)
Much Love and Angel Hugzzzz,
Angela
We all deserve to be happy and I’m sure you too will be once you move on. You’ll probably each find someone you really love and can be friends with each other and it will be wonderful, but for now just know you are doing the right thing so breathe deeply and take it easy, don’t work too hard. Let your feelings out, it will help you get some relief. You are a wonderful person!
All the best,
Sandra
Hi Rachel,
I too was at first saddened when I read that you were getting divorced. However, I strongly believe that things like this happen for a reason, though we usually can’t see that reason at the time.
There have been many good points made already and I had thought to say a few of those things while reading your post, but since those points have been spread out among so many others I suspect that they will have a stronger impact.
I have two daughters that are about your age and I asked myself what might I say to them if they were in your shoes… and I believe I might tell them that sometimes blessings come disguised as failures or things that don’t work out the way we thought they would.
Since I know you as a fellow marketer, I might point out that you followed some pretty good advice that we marketers have all heard before… and that is to
FAIL FAST.
God bless you.
Don Pasco
X0——/——-> :(
“I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. “–Unknown.
Stay Legendary.
Vince
Rachel,
The first time I ever heard your name was from Willie Crawford when it sent me an email about his friend’s Rachel’s getting married and the wedding package.(It seems like only yesterday but I know these last few months may have been a lifetime for you) I bought it of course and it was a bargain. So much for that but I just wanted to say..Hang in there!
Life is to short to not be with “The One” and you will find him. Do not worry about what people think,just try to find the happiness you deserve.
Good luck to you and I admire you very much for sharing such a personal story.
Gail J Richardson
Hi Rachel,
all the best to you and Otto as well. You will heal and you will find what you need and want. It is a rough time for you know, but I remember the one really bad night in my life (after my ex-fiance broke up with me) where I knew I would one day laugh heartily about this night – and hey, today was that day. My husband (not the one who broke up with me) and me had such a good laugh about that night as it was kind of surreal.
What I mean is: don’t give up, your dreams will find you!
Love & hugs,
Julia
Rachel,
You’re so courageous. It is very inspiring. I’m sorry for the pain you are going through, it seems to be for the Higher good.
I want you to know that reading this has made me realize I could envision myself marrying for exact same reasons. Your “I have zero desire to settle” may have saved my future marriage. I won’t forget it, and I won’t settle. THANK YOU.
My heart is with you. Stay connected.
Dear Rachel,
I’ve only recently come to your website and blog. Normally I wouldn’t read a personal message like this from someone I didn’t know. But I did.
A coaching client of mine was talking about her pending divorce recently, which was tough on her. She discussed the challenges she was having in the pre-separation stage, and what he’d done to push her buttons. But then, she bravely an rightfully disclosed that there were certainly two sides to this issue and she was showing her side only. Of course that was true, but we were working on her, not him. But I thought it was very healthy of her to say and believe that.
In your case, I’m extremely impressed at the balanced approach you’ve taken in explaining your situation. Even though you both knew that things weren’t perfect, (when are they ever?) you went ahead anyway.
Short time or not, I applaud your daring and for giving it that commitment. Anyone who would criticize you for this is not someone you need to be concerned with.
Good luck. There’s someone for everyone out there. Relationships are like shoes, even when they’re your size, it doesn’t mean they’ll be comfortable or wear long.
Rachel, I just wanted to let you know how happy I am for you and excited about the path your life will now take.
The real tragedy would have been to stay in this relationship for a longer time.
You are now open and ready to meet the “One”. But, you will need to be patient. The Universe will probably test your resolve about not willing to settle.
I just want to hug both you and Otto. No words, just a hug.
Hi Rachel
Really gutted for you with this news, I too have been in that same position with my ex husband nearly to the letter, it was devastating making the break but I tell you now I moved on and now have the man of my dreams and a beautiful daughter also……………………………so I wish you all the best and yes you are doing the right thing as life is too short to waste time, everyone needs great love passion and happiness.
Take care and I hope you meet the man of your dreams soon
Sharon
I listened this morning to a very powerful audio by Marianne Williamson in the Winter of Wellness series. It’s only up online until Sunday I believe, but I had some major a-ha moments during it. Maybe it will help you make sense of what you’re going through – I hope so :)
Rachel,
I feel for you. Praying that the healing will begin soon.
Hi Rachel,
So sorry to hear about your divorce. I have a sister that is going through the same thing, after having only been married for a year and half.
The man just up and told her he didn’t think he wanted to be married anymore.
I wish you both peace and pray that you find that special person worthy of you.
Rachel,
Even I, am touch reading the comments on this page.
I have said it before and I will say it again, for so many people to express so much love for one person in her time of challenge, there must be something very special about that person.
Now I am convinced. You are one terrific lady.
Best of luck in your future.
Bob Poisson
*hugs*
Rachel,
Your post touches my heart. I realize you don’t know me from Adam. But, what I can say is the smartest thing you both are doing to parting ways before you have children. May people think that’s the answer. And, I can tell you from experience that children just make things much more difficult. So, I say good for both of you for being so respectful to each other while making a very tough decision. Hold you head up high, sista. You have absolutely nothing to be a shamed of. You clearly are a very special woman and this will just open new doors for you. Live, learn and move on… : )
Hey sweetie,
Just wanted to you to know that I admire you, as always, for your clear vision and honest and loving heart.
And, that I KNOW you will bounce back even better than before.
Big hugs and happiness to you *both*.
N
PS. Just a suggestion, but Otto should probably get his eyes checked. Sounds like his vision is terribly bad if he can’t see the stunningly gorgeous, radiant and vibrant woman he married as such. ;)
Rachel,
Went through this 15 years ago. We tried to “stay together for the kids sake” and made it even worse. You’re doing the right thing.
The good news is – when one door closes another opens. I have found “the one”. Been together now 14 years, married 10 and still going strong.
Good luck to you.
Mike
There is no shame in trying.
Be well.
Carlin
Rachel, it wasn’t an easy decision, I know. But your self esteem does and will take a huge hit if he’s not attracted to you. The head over heels happens, while I’ve never had that, it’s out there. And while you probably feel s*tty it’s ok. This is just an event in your life, and you will have better, just because you deserve better and are an amazing person.
Thank you for moving forward. You are a lighthouse for others in your shoes. Good luck in any and all your relationships, “significant other” and business.
((( HUGS)))
MJ
I’ve made the same mistake in the past – and settling is NEVER a viable option. As painful as this is, be grateful for a) what you’ve learned from this and b) that you’re doing it now before you guys have children together.
Divorce stinks, so learn from this, don’t settle, trust your instincts and I’m sure the next time WILL be “happy ever after”.
Sending you a big hug,
Frank
Rachel – Don’t worry about the past just try to look into the future.
Keep smiling :-)
Sri
Rachel – I do not feel sorry for you – I applaud you. Try not to buy into the thought that this should be a sad time. Probably the sad part was the moments that moved you both to NOW. Over the many times I spent appointment times with you, you shared – the very things that you write here, so I know you are not re-writing the story to justify what is happening (as many do – rewrite herstory so it is more palatable to the ones telling AND the ones hearing it). You deserve worship and adoration – not “just *not* the kind you want”. I don’t believe those are conditional things. Not knocking Otto – he moves through his own journey, even though quite a big part of it has had him affecting you. I had an ‘Otto” once – I think I told you about it. I had to break my own heart for him to own and punctuate the experience for myself. For awhile I thought that was unfair. I hope for you guys that you both did the hard parts. Give each other credit, and move toward your smile! Its huge and it radiates the things you admire.
XO,
Jill
Dear Warrior Sister,
So sorry for the troubling news, but I must say you sound powerful and true. And it may sound perverse but I am glad to hear your voice got loud during this and you could hear yourself howling–your warrior name was Silent Fire and personally I always wanted to hear you ROAR. Best to you sweet lovely lady.
Sweetie – I am going through something similar – you know my feelings on this – I just want you to be happy – you are a beautiful person, soul and just an amazing all around woman- you deserve someone that worships the ground you walk on and trust me he is out there somewhere for you – good for you and man – the boy has lost out big time!! enough said!
xoxo you know where to find me, if you need to chat –
love you my friend!! xoxo
sorry and congratulations. not two words you usually hear in the same sentence. you are both awesome. thanks for being that way and inspiring the rest of us.
This is sad to hear, not because I think you didn’t try, but because you deserve so much happiness. Everyone knows your heart is good and loving.
Hi Rachel, I know you probably don’t know me from a hole in the wall, I just recently started promoting your products and I did a video review for one of your WSOs once, but I just wanted to tell you I’m so sorry to hear this and if you ever need anyone to talk to outside your usual circle I’m here. I can tell that you’re a very very strong person and will get through this. Good luck with everything and like I said, I’m here if you need anything professionally or personally.
Genuinely gutted for you. I love family… hope you find yourself starting your own family soon enough.