What I want in my ultimate man.

About 5 days ago I was sitting on an airplane enroute to Austin and got major intuition to just start writing down everything I desire in my dream man.

I started writing, writing, writing… and before I knew it, I had a HUGE list.

It felt so empowering to create that list. So freeing. So… LIBERATING.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I know we have the power to create anything we want.

And I feel I’m so much closer to my “order” now.

I know the process works.

Have you seen my boyfriend test?

A few years ago I’d created a boyfriend test.

People left comments on my blog post saying I was being “delusional”. That I would need two men to fit everything I wanted into one man. That it was “absurd and unattainable”.

But, as expected, I got everything I wanted.

Otto fit every single thing except for blue eyes (he had green).

So I’m confident in the process. But I did realize I have to change my process around. So…

…I supercharged it.

While I am VERY glad I met Otto and love him dearly… what I learned from the process is I don’t need to control so much.

The universe has a much bigger imagination than I do.

It can give me WAY better than what I even know to ask for.

So now my list is (mostly) about FEELINGS. I want to FEEL a certain way. My ultimate man doesn’t need to have read specific books, or gone to certain camps, or whatever else I had before.

I just need the chemistry. The attraction. The deep rooted love.

And I know what people might be thinking…

“Who do you think you are, Rachel?”

So many people say that when you’re clear about what you want in the opposite sex, you’ve got to judge yourself. See if you’ve got what it takes for your Ultimate to come along.

I’m not sure how I feel about this right now.

For example… I feel I have a lot of things together. I’m successful, meet friends easily, am generally well liked.

But the one thing I thought I’d need to “fix” before my man came along was to release the weight I had gained in the past few months.

I figured… a man of THIS caliber would want someone with an incredible body.

But then Jaime reminded me that it’s very possible for Him to find me beautiful just the way I am.

(The thought honestly didn’t enter my stream of possibility. I figured sure… some people could find me beautiful… but HIM?)

Once I acknowledged that as a possibility though… holy moley. I just got back from two stores. I was feeling bloated, tired, and dehydrated. But FIVE men showed interest in me at TWO stores. I found 3.5 very attractive. One guy stuttered, told me he was very attracted to me, and said several times he couldn’t believe he was being so shy around me.

I say this because I think so many people feel they need to be someone or do something else before they can be happy.

I don’t feel that’s true.

“Why are you sharing this?”

Two reasons:

1. When I got off the plane I emailed my list to two of my two best friends.

One of them told me it completely changed around her mood from super-depressed for a week…. to EXTREMELY liberated.

She said she’d never given herself permission to ask for everything she REALLY wanted. That she didn’t want to say “I want to travel first class”. It didn’t feel like she was “allowed” to ask for that.

She immediately made her own list, which she said she really feels is bringing her man in much quicker.

If it could help her, I’d love to see if it could help you too.

2. I know I haven’t answered any messages from the divorce blog post. But please believe they have touched me in a HUMONGOUS way. I was too drained to respond, but wow… the responses people gave me blew my mind.

Several people told me they were in the same situation and my post gave them courage.

One woman forwarded the post to her 19 year old son. She felt he was getting ready to marry out of obligation to his high school sweetheart.

Another person told me he could see himself settling in the future and my post may have saved his future marriage.

It goes on and on and on.

Each communication around my posts touched me PROFOUNDLY.

And because of it, I just feel like continuing to be vulnerable might help someone somehow.

Also… I’d like to acknowledge that we’re all just learning. If I’m missing something in this list, or I’m being shortsighted somehow, or whatever… I put in the last line…

“And if there’s anything even BETTER for me than what I can create on my own… I request that, please.”

Here’s what I want in my man:

(Note: As I realize new things, I’ll edit this.
It’s also pretty much unedited from the plane.)

I desire someone who will ravish me. Worship me. Look at me with looks of deep, passionate love, or lust, depending, but have huge mountains of depth of feeling on both sides.

Someone who penetrates me with his stare.

Who I feel extremely safe with. Who I know would always protect me. Would look wounded if I felt pain. Would do anything to protect me.

Who would make me feel like I can lay back and feel comfortable. He would take care of me if I needed. Is financially abundant. I can work if I want to but I know it doesn’t matter… He has enough to support me should I choose to stop working at times.

He respects me, adores me, loves me with the fiercest love he’s ever felt.

He makes me feel like I’m the most incredible woman in the world.

He supports me. He’s extremely spiritually connected. He has a deep sense of intuition and trusts mine too. He respects my femininity.

He is strong masculine.

He’s a rock.

I can sway, swirl, feel everything I need to feel, and he stands there, lovingly, receptive to anything I feel. He does not swirl in response to me… He just lovingly remains a rock.

He is delighted by my free spirit and finds it endearing.

He loves to travel and we do it often. First class. We go to beautiful places.

I can take him to events and feel like not only does he fit in everywhere, but people absolutely love him. I am so proud to call him my man.

He’s very direct but with a softness. He would never knowingly hurt my feelings. He takes my needs into consideration very deeply.

He takes care of himself but makes space for me to shower all my love onto him, which he gratefully receives.

He’s passionately romantic. Forever. He says sweet things, constantly compliments me and makes me feel beautiful, loved, smart, respected, sexy, endearing, powerful, and like I’m making a difference in the world.

He is extremely positive by nature though he isn’t afraid to surrender into other feelings.

He doesn’t let me get away with anything but my best. He calls me out when he thinks I can improve somewhere and lovingly holds my hand through it. He encourages me. I feel so supported.

I feel I can just lay back. It feels easy. I feel he’s safe, I’m safe, we’re safe. Our material needs are met abundantly and I don’t have to push for that to happen.

He’s extremely passionate about making sure I take care of myself. He loves to draw baths for me. Call my friends and ask for their help if necessary. He brings me flowers and doesn’t let me work too hard for too long. He helps me stay charged up and dynamic.

He loves my magnetism.

He loves me.

I feel I can stay myself with him. I don’t feel any need to change. If anything I just want to illuminate even more who I am. He draws out the best in me. He sees things in me I’ve never even seen.

He’s extremely generous. He is lavish at times. He supports me and my feelings.

He’s brilliant. He finds me brilliant but our relationship is not cerebral first. Once in a while he’ll ask me for hits on business stuff but our relationship is a magic place where that’s not the center. The center is creating new experiences, creating new things, loving each other, being present with each other, bringing a ton of joy into the world. We work on charitable causes and get fueled by it. We love to make an impact on the world.

I can lay back. I can lay back. I can lay back.

Not forever – but if I need to, I can. I am supported!!!

He would be honored to have children with me. He’s a phenomenal father. We have the same values. He can’t wait to take his children around the world. He’s patient, caring, non-attached to minor things and lets everyone just blossom without any control.

He knows how to surrender.

He’s open minded. He realizes we all do the best we can with what we have.

He wouldn’t dream of asking me to pay for things, especially in the beginning. It would almost disgust him.

He would raise our children to be entrepreneurial. They could do whatever they wanted, but they’d have the values instilled in them just in case.

He’s tall. At least 6 foot. With blue eyes preferably. Open to other eyes if I can get lost in them.

He respects me. He sees me as an equal, but with different skill sets. He trusts my opinion.

He playfully teases me. We goof around at times and laugh. A lot. I find him extremely funny and he’s generous with his jokes.

I feel better whenever he’s in my presence. We energetically feed each other. Not in a codependent way… We just relish each other’s energy.

We absolutely love eating healthy foods. We have access to fresh fruits and vegetables. We’re not obsessive about our health but it’s certainly something we’re cognizant of.

He cares about himself a lot. He’s constantly striving to be the best man he can be.

He doesn’t feed into drama. He will openly listen to me if I’m frustrated about something and make me feel heard and accepted, but he just stands firm and loves me. He doesn’t move around with my emotions… Though he’ll laugh when I laugh, get pissed if he feels I’ve been wronged, and instinctively want to make me feel better.

He is open and honest and communicative. He can identify his needs and ask for them. He lets me love him.

He laughs at my jokes. He thinks I’m very funny and just gets tickled by me.

He sees the best in me… Sees positive things I never saw.

He deeply feels I am his Queen.

He can’t wait to see me when we’re apart, even for a few hours. He’s okay by himself and doesn’t NEED me… But he’s still very excited to see me, and I, him.

He is worldly. He’s either from another country or comfortable going to places around the world.

He doesn’t let me push him around, yet he still deeply considers my needs and desires.

He tells me he loves me often.

We are blissful.

We hug a lot. Deep, soulful hugs.

Sex is out of this world incredible. He devours me, ravishes me, loves and adores my body.

I feel so nourished when I’m with him. My soul feels nourished. It feels so… right. We give each other energy back and forth and feel consistently fed by each others’ presence.

He courts me.

He feels I’m very special – not in a way that serves my ego, but he just feels very lucky to be with me, and I, him.

Life is magical with him in it.

He is perfect for me and I am perfect for him.

And if there’s anything even BETTER for me than what I can create on my own… I request that, please.

7 comments on “What I want in my ultimate man.

  1. Claire on said:

    Interesting seeing your perspective on an ideal man, and even if reading it is a bit exhausting, you do manage to describe lots of valid attributes in considerable detail :)

    In my case… enough dozes of empathy, curiosity, and passion embodied in a man who knows how to rock my world and be the breath of fresh air after a hard day’s work …. (sigh)!

    I see my partner as someone who is authentic and willing to embark on the adventure of life with me :)

  2. So glad you posted this! Now you’ve inspired me to create a list as well of my ideal man – thank you Rachel!!!! Lots of love :)

  3. Rachel,

    Honestly, you’re one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever experienced. Your list reminds me of all that I love in my girlfriend and I’m going to share it. In so many ways it describes the relationship I have with her and what I sought out when I became single last year.

    The sheer size of your attractiveness in terms of “soul power” (that’s the all encompassing word I created lol) is borderline scary. You will find your Ultimate Man in a few short months if you haven’t already because the beauty is…you’ve put something big in the universe by writing this down. The fact that you WANT this…in fact EXPECT/DEMAND it is why it will happen. The universe will test you but stay strong and don’t waver in your quest to find the man you deserve. And yes…YOU DESERVE HIM.

    I can’t tell you how many times I”ve been in the same room as you and have “known” you were there when I walked in…before i even saw you :). It’s happened a few times at events and the more I get to know you the more i know why. You really are what every woman should strive to be which is smart, graceful, very feminine, sweet, kind, and generous with everything you have (money being the least important of that generosity). You give so much and trust me…your time for ethereal romantic bliss is coming…very soon :)

    Thanks for inspiring me with this post and keeping me on the path of being the man I want to be to Christina…it always makes me feel good that there are women out there who want, expect, and demand a man of the quality you describe here…whew for many years I wondered if I would ever meet someone with those expectations and desires. Thankfully I have and you will find him very soon lol (if I haven’t said THAT enough haha)

    Love ya always!


  4. Well….other then the part about the dude mentioning that bad ass hair of yours…(hint: 5 years I’ve been promoting it lol) ……..it’s nice to see the old Rachel Rofe has returned to us. Vinnie would remind u that “your ulimate man” is NOT necessary to complete you…..as you “whole” just the way u are. xxx Vince

    p.s. oh yeah one more thing to ad to that list of yours: the guy should tell the world what a bad ass sales copy this chick wrote about the friggin’ Mafia approach to marketing…….as it was rather stellar. I can’t remember the guy’s name who gave a girl so many props (once he found out she WAS a girl) but he was a pretty cool dude I think? xxx

  5. Hi Rachel,

    I love how you’ve approached and created your list. Full of positive energy, self awareness and sense of contribution to something much greater than yourself. It also gave me further insights. Thank you.

    Wishing you all the best as this journey unfolds!


  6. Another good rule of thumb is to find images on Google that match “the feel” you are looking for. For example a pic of a gorgeous sunset can represent the way you want to feel every day around him (like you’re looking at a gorgeous sunset each time you’re with him). You can find pics of random men that show the various physical attributes you would like. Maybe you like the hands of one pic of this man, and the eyes of another pic. You can even find songs/video online that you can attach to your list that remind you of him. I also like to keep a journal called “My Journey to Find You…” which you can give him someday once you actually find him. In my journal I record all aspects of the journey along the way to finding him. This helps bring him in because I am writing to him every day. It’s also a powerful gift he will treasure always. I call this the “Dream Man Project” and have all my clients go through this process (there are some other things I have them do as well). 4 out of 5 end up meeting their “Dream mate” when they are done within a few months. Try it! It works! And let me know if you want addtl. examples of things you can do…

  7. “He would be honored to have children with me. He’s a phenomenal father. We have the same values. He can’t wait to take his children around the world. He’s patient, caring, non-attached to minor things and lets everyone just blossom without any control.”

    I love you dearly Rachel – and want this (all of it) for you – but you may NOT have Lex! ha ha

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