Who knew going to Hawaii could be so hard?

I’ve been feeling the urge to go to Hawaii for a long time.

My soul just swoons at the thought of me, a journal, and the beach.

And Hawaii in particular has been calling me for almost a year now.

I kept getting interesting Hawaii “signs” – like I’d pray about something, ask for guidance, and then instantly see a Hawaii license plate, etc…

But for the longest time, I kept telling myself I’d go later on.

In fact… I’ve been to 49 states. I finished state #49 two years ago, yet I kept saying “someday” to Hawaii.

The other day I got in touch with my desire to go to Hawaii again.

I really wanted to go but felt conflicted about it.

My desire was to go the “right” way – the way I felt I’d be Radiating Royalty – with first class flights and a stay at one of the top-rated resorts in Maui.

But I was in the process of breaking up with my business partner and felt like it’d be really ridiculous to spend money – especially considering the “extras” I wanted.

I had the money, but just felt like it would be a frivolous spend.

I just incorporated a new business and had been committing to be better at managing my money.

On the other side, I felt like my soul was just yearning to get to Hawaii.

I’ve had a feeling, deep in my soul, that going on this trip is going to change a LOT for me. I feel it’s going to reset me in ways I’ve been yearning for. That it’s going to be a turning point in my life.

Years later, I feel my life will be categorized as “pre-Hawaii” and “post-Hawaii”.

I just know it.

So I prayed.

I said, “If Hawaii is right for me to go to, then make the money available to me by the end of the day.”

About 3 or 4 hours later I told a friend (who asked not to be revealed) about the trip.

I didn’t mention anything about my praying, just that I wanted to go to Hawaii. She asked me what the cost would be. I quoted the first-class, 4-star hotel price – $3450 for a week – and expected her to tell me that I should compromise.

Instead, and to my major shock, she offered to loan me the money.

At first I noticed myself resisting.

I told her I couldn’t accept it from her… that she wasn’t exactly in a great financial situation.

She refused to take that for an answer. She even started crying and telling me it was very important for her to do this for me.

My mind kept coming up with more and more objections until I realized what I was doing.

Here I was, asking for help… and then turning it away.

I knew that going to Hawaii would be so good for me.

That it would help me Radiate Royalty, which would impact everyone around me, and everyone around them… that it was for my highest good… and that I freakin’ asked for it.

So I accepted the money.

That was at about 2pm.

You’d think I’d go home and excitedly book the trip… but I didn’t.

I didn’t book my flight that night either.

The next morning I tried to “force” myself to do it. I didn’t want to disappoint my friend who called me the night before to see if I’d booked yet.

Ordering tickets was like walking through mud.

First it took everything in me to even go to the airline website. I wasted time on gmail first, then Facebook, then Twitter…

Then I finally got to the site and went through the order process. I had everything ready to go, in the shopping cart, credit card entered and I just needed to hit “Submit”…

And I closed the order page, telling myself I’d check some other stuff out first.

Then I texted a friend for some reassurance that I was doing the right thing, that I wasn’t wasting money…

That maybe I should go to the Bahamas instead (much cheaper and closer), or maybe I should fly coach…

And she told me to use my royal litmus test.

“Does any other option besides first class Hawaii at the four star resort make me feel like royalty?”

No.

So I opened the site up again, with a resolve to order… and then I got a crazy sharp pain in my head.

It hurt REALLY bad.

See, I’ve known amazing (read: new and uncomfortable) things would happen after Hawaii.

I was feeling major anxiety.

I knew that Hawaii would bring so much clarity – especially around Radiating Royalty.

And I know once I get clear about my next steps, I’ll get more exposure, which will leave me feeling vulnerable. Open to ridicule.

My own family scoffs at the whole “Radiating Royalty” concept.

It hurts my feelings.

And let’s face it… I don’t relish the idea of one of of the most important things in my life getting attacked.

I’m getting tense just thinking about this.

Sure, amazing things will happen when Radiating Royalty gets bigger too. It’ll help lots of people. Millions, if I have my way.

I’ll feel more on purpose, like I’m making a real difference. I’ll shine my light. Majorly.

But it’s still scary.

So after the headache, I got up, walked around, and moved around all the nervous energy.

Then I came back and ordered my flight.

I leave tomorrow.