Rachel Rofe’

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Boyfriend Test

Boyfriend Test

Since I don’t think I’ve been attracted to more than 5 men in this freaking country (I’ve been here for 3 weeks!), I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I do want when someone stellar comes along .

I’ve also realized that there are probably 3 men in the entire universe that fit everything I expect.

Now, I’ve always been pretty picky (it’s why I’ve been single for 3 years!), but the more I grow, the more quirky things I expect.

Years ago, I had an Excel spreadsheet that was a potential boyfriend test (feel free to roll your eyes, but my friend made one too – and when she started dating a guy she had rose-tinted glasses with, she gave him her test and realized he failed – miserably).

The traits I used to have were:

Ambitious, Charismatic, Chivalrous, Confident, Educated, Fashion sense, Funny, Good friend to others, Good job, Good listener, Good sexual chemistry, Happy, Has his own interests, Honest, Likes to travel, Not cheap, Not too clingy, Open minded, Positive, Reads, Romantic, Sense of humor, Sentimental, Smart, Spontaneous, Tall, Thoughtful, Well rounded, Will try new things.

Everything had an equal weight, except for ambitious and romantic (they had double weight).

After I went to Warrior Camp, it was an important criteria for me that someone went there too. I think I could let that go now, provided someone pushes themselves out of their comfort zone and has read books from authors like David Deida (one of the most special parts of Warrior Camp was when we did a thought-provoking exercise on the differences between men and women – very similar to Deida’s “Way Of The Superior Man”).

Today, I’d probably switch around a bunch of the “qualifiers” I had before – take some out, add some in. I’m thinking my list would look something like this, in alphabetic order:

Ambitious (not as important as it once was as long as he constantly pushes himself out of his comfort zone)

Blue eyes (ok, ok, that’s just a wishlist item – but usually not attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, hence this Brazilian tragedy :))

Cares about others

Charismatic

Confident

Cuddler (Grade A only)

Educated (not necessarily by college, but homeboy has to love to learn!)

Exercises

Funny

Good friend

Good listener

Has his own interests (that he acts on frequently!)

Healthy (Raw foodist preferred since I’ll at least be 80% for the rest of my life, I think)

Honest

Intelligent

Loves surprises

Loves to travel (Love, not like)

No “job” (At this point, there’d be a big disconnect between me and anyone who needs to clock in and out or be at work specific hours)

Not cheap (I hate when people let money hinder them. Need more, make more.)

Open minded

Positive

Pushes me (My friend Jose, who I consider to be one of my greatest personal heroes, never let me get away with anything – and I loved him for it.)

Romantic (Non-negotiable)

Sense Of Humor

Sentimental

Sensitive

Spiritual (Another non-negotiable.)

Spontaneous

Tall

Thoughtful

Well-rounded

I don’t know if I could deal with 80% any more, though – I’m just going to hold on to the fact that someone out there meets 100%. :)

If you know him, feel free to make an introduction. =)

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27 comments on “Boyfriend Test

  1. Hey, I tick almost all the boxes! Even got the blue eyes. And even better – I’m in Brazil right now…

    But, um, I’m married. So that kind of puts me out of the picture.

    Good luck!

  2. I enjoyed your post and the older I get (over 30) I realize how important the traits I am looking for in mate also impact what I think of others. What I have found myself doing when meeting new people is I compare them to my list and from this determines if I like them or not.

    The other thing I realized is my list of traits I have for my mate are also the same qualities I am trying to improve or want to see myself become.

    I strongly suggest whatever list you make ask a trusted friend or if you want take the time and grade yourself. I think you will be very surprised at what you find out and what you learn.

  3. Eric, you´re killing me!! What part of Brazil are you in? If Rio, let´s hang out!!! (Your wife, too. =))

    Erich, that´s a fabulous idea. I think I will ask my two best friends to look at the test and see what they think. When I was making it, I had qualities that I thought I exuded in the list, but that could be pure ego. Do you have an actual list, or are the traits imprinted in your head?

    Either way, thanks for the idea =)

  4. What do YOU have to offer?

  5. Wow. That’s me. Too bad for you we’re just friends, huh? It’s a great list Rachel. I’m pretty confident you’ll eventually find someone that fits it pretty well.

    Gregg

  6. Yes, WoW too and interesting.

    But I think the criteria is too high, sometime the criteria just get zero when you meet the person that’s belong to you :d

    But good luck, at least it makes a small competition, aahh..competition.. :d

  7. How could someone with no job make more money? this list seems absurd and unattainable. I think you are beyond a qualities list and gone into the worl of make believe.

  8. cathy largeton on said:

    Who do you need to be to have the relationship you want?

  9. I’m a little late here but I felt I had to add this comment. Next time you come to Brazil don’t stick to visiting Rio or Sao Paulo, go southbound to Santa Catarina state where you will find thousands of handsome blond haired, blue-eyed guys…and beautiful beaches you can go for a swim because they are not polluted…plus a very friendly people and a lot less violence.

    As for the list, Rachel, I sincerely think you should settle for having at least two boyfriends ’cause you’ll hardly find all these traits in one single person.

    Take care.

  10. Wow, what an interesting list. You know, you’ve basically described *most* Aquarians (to varying degrees), at least in the personality arena.

    The most unfortunate part is that for whatever reason the ‘gods’ decided that we generally don’t have much “chemistry” with those who were most compatible and fit all the things we want. Chemistry is about tension. Not saying you can’t have it, just saying.

    I like Cathy’s remark. It’s really not about “finding” (or discovering) that ‘ideal’ person… it’s about attracting them to you. We only get what’s in our thoughts.

    Be save and travel well!
    (Note the love.exe attachment ;-) …it doesn’t .gz

    Mike
    Phoenix

  11. You should always stay away from non-quality people. I actually have a list of 78 qualifications a woman must meet for me to even have lunch with her (time is money, after all). Sometimes I will go over these items with them during a phone call (I keep the list on a clipboard hanging on a hook by my desk). Every woman I consider is told up front about the list, and we go over each item point by point. A good number of women get upset and say something like, “that sort of thing is like treating women like cattle.” But like Rachel, it is my option to be very picky about who has the privilege of spending any of my time with me. Not everyone qualifies. There is no time for ordinary people when you live an extraordinary life.

  12. I used to have a mental checklist of the type of girl that I like but then I met my current girlfriend who does not fit the list at all. However we’re crazy about each other. Its all about the chemistry. Love works in odd ways. Don’t ever discount anyone out without getting to know them.

  13. Anon Ymous on said:

    Rachel,

    The combination of qualities you are looking for might be rare, however they are also perfectly reasonable. I don’t see anything on your list that you should even think about compromising. For a long term relationship (with potential for more) I suggest you stick to your plan. Even the stuff on your wishlist is important.

    Love is “blinding”, and it can be fairly easy to gloss over details (like list items!) about someone we become interested in or attracted to. However as time goes by those details tend to become more and more apparent and can eventually become “deal breakers” when we realize just how important those details really are to us. Chemistry is critical, but it does not necessarily equate to compatibility. Unfortunately, I speak from experience (LOL). I’m currently nearing the certain demise of a relationship where I compromised in ways I should not have (because there was “chemistry”). For example, constant and unending personal growth and evolution is perhaps the most important thing to me in my life.. that is not nearly the case with the person I am with. I have to be with someone who shares that passion. Of course, hindsight = 20/20. Love your list! Trust your list! =)
    I realize for myself that in the future such a thing as Love cannot alone be an emotional decision or event, it must be met with logic (hence the list). The idea of having such a list doesn’t seem as romantic, however it enables every moment and every emotion with the right person to be truly justified as the doors of passionate love and romance swing wide open. Plus it enables an amazing and rewarding relationship and future to exist far beyond all of the exciting chemistry stuff. =)

    I myself think you are absolutely awesome, and not only do I meet every single qualifier on your list (even the wishlist item you mentioned), in most cases I exceed them by quantum leaps and bounds. Since I would go for you, I’m sure you won’t have any problem attracting Mr. 100%. “You got it goin’ on!”

    You are certainly not normal or average in any way (I mean that in the highest of compliments) therefore you are forced to have higher standards than most. In fact, since you are always learning and growing, it is certain your list will grow and refine along with you. Mathematically speaking, you are playing greater odds. So what, Rachel you are a real winner! Make those standards as high as you want! The universe will deliver. Don’t shortchange yourself. You deserve the very best of the very best, and I’m confident you shall have it! =)

    Live to the max, trust your list, and achieve your bliss!

  14. Seannie on said:

    gawd your the only woman i think i’ve ever admitted to saying i tick all your flaming boxes!!

    Blue eyes, caveman-ish, uber raw foodie, loves to work out, spiritual..india i’m coming!! i work for myself and get this im not limited by location, been there done it, made it lost it attitude not bothered or affected by money, wealth or lack of, could easily be anti establishment but shhhhhhhh, i wouldnt admit really to living in a hippy commune hahaha, amazing life story to tell….walked away from an 80mph head on car crash without a scratch!, anyway im bragging now.

    So your in Brazil, did you know there is an awesome place in guatemale for kabbalistic meditations etc and uber cheap? And it gets better i lurve brunettes hahaha, maybe the universe rachel has answered, im very divorced and 37.

    Let me know when your in Ireland next, Seannie

  15. high hopes dude
    i bet its impossible to find someone like that
    if these are the qualities you are lookin dor….the i can assure you a lifetime of bachelorism(if thats a word)
    your lookin for someone totally perfect(and yaaaa rite!like guys can ever be perfect)

  16. Jake on said:

    OMG list’s sooo long…
    btw you’ve listed sooo many things but what have you got???

  17. Rachel you have very high standards – always a good thing ;-)
    Just wanted you to know that my husband of 14 years and father of my two children failed my (albeit unwritten) list miserably, the complete opposite of everything I thought I was looking for, yet he is perfect for me :-D
    !!!

  18. Hey Rachel,

    Nice idea. Many years ago, I made a similar list for my ‘Ms. Right’. I recently came across that list and realized that my wife (a.k.a. the woman of my dreams) only met about 85-90% of my previous criteria. She had a similar scorecard for her version of ‘Mr. Right’… and it turns out that I didn’t get an ‘A’ on her score card initially either. LOL

    When you find the right one, you’ll discover some of your ‘must have’ qualities become less important because everything else about your own Mr. Right will be everything you ever wanted and more.

    At least that’s been my experience… I could be wrong.

    Take care,

    Mike

  19. Alexei Vinidiktov on said:

    I wish more women had lists like that! The ones who do, do know what they want, and that simplifies things a lot. I would definitely like to have a girl-friend like that.

  20. Rachel,

    I loved this post when I first read it, love it now – just checked and it hasn’t been added to SU….yet..

    Thumbs up!

    Logan

  21. G’day from Australia Rachel,
    What ever happened to good, old fashioned Attraction? If it’s not there, the relationship won’t work long term, no matter how many boxes you tick.

    Can’t say I disagree with the list thing, but I know some terrific relationships that have been thrown over because people are so busy ticking lists, they forget to get to know the person a bit first.

    Very often, the traits don’t show until the potential partner feels attracted to you. By that, I don’t mean initial visual attraction but attraction to the person. That’s not going to happen while they see you ticking boxes.

    Due to my breadth of knowledge, I often choose to “Dumb down” allowing others to feel smart. Romanticism, Strictly reserved for when I not only feel it truly, but also see attraction coming my way too.

    Oh, how do I put my pic on here so people can see who’s commenting.

    Never forget that us humans are really emotional thinkers that use instinct for survival skills. We’re not logical thinkers. We use logic to reinforce our emotional decisions. Funny, because that means that you can run the list on the same person 2 days running and get very differing results based on nothing but how YOU feel on that day.

    I don’t think relationships can work by formula but without doubt, we should strongly consider what we are prepared to give before we decide what we expect in return.

    I hope you find what makes you happy, whether or not it’s what you’re looking for. If ever you’re in Australia, say hi. I think I’d like to talk through a few more of your ideas. I do travel around a bit but mostly near Melbourne.

    All the best
    Neil

  22. Faizan on said:

    Hmm,
    Caring (I am very caring. I really care about my blackberry, my laptop and my little sweet car)
    Eyes (Brown)
    Confident (Very Very Confident)
    Educated (Is this a 20th century joke?)
    Funny (I am very funny. I can write 1000s of jokes daily :D Just joking.)
    Healthy (I am not skinny and I am not going to discuss this matter anymore)
    Intelligent, Honest
    Love to travel (I love to travel if you can afford me:D Kidding)
    Cheap (If the money comes between the relationship, you can say that the person is cheap. What do you say if the person is already rich? And don’t care about money and also, if the person is a freelancer and already making so much?)
    Employment (I am self employed. I am a web developer, 3D Animator, and a Medical Transcriptionist. These are 3 different categories but not difficult for an intelligent person.)
    That was a very well formed wish list. But I would leave rest of the list untouched. Too much to read :(
    I know you are going to find the person of your imagination someday. No matter how long you have to wait. At least you will find someone before you touch the age of 65 years. I am sure :)
    Although I am 100% fit in your wish list, I am too young to say that “I want a life partner”. I am 22 years old. I am still growing : D lolz
    I didn’t want to reply for boyfriend test. I thought if you could make a list for some other tips. I know you are very good in making characteristics. That is why I have replied in your post.
    Could you please make another list for youngsters? How can I be succeeded in my career?
    Tips like how I can make a good relationship with clients:
    Some sort of; Be formal when mailing to the client, be positive, be cool and bla bla bla.
    Be Happy not only with love, but also with laughter. Thank You!

  23. Great list.
    I’ve been working on a similar list after a recent attempt at a relationship, and wondering what went wrong. Glad you found your match for your list… gives me hope. I look at your list, and I definitely don’t think “Should make two lists” – I fit just about all of these. So, if your list found a match, there’s a chance that my list will find a match too :)

    Thanks for sharing.

  24. hey i just think ur too fucking picky if u can find a nice guy who treats u right and dosent cheat on u that should be enough

  25. Happily Married on said:

    Isn’t it a bit ironic how the people with the longest lists of “things I want in a man/woman” are almost always 1) adding/subtracting/playing around with that list (because THEY themselves grow over the years they remain single and decide that some things can go and others need adding)…..and 2) SINGLE. Oh, and only getting older and continuing to stay single… Always “looking” and thinking about all these grandiose things — and never walking down the aisle…. Oh, the irony.

    **This coming from someone who had only a few standards when I met my husband — some of which I let drop when I met him — and who married her husband after knowing (not dating but actually meeting/knowing) him for 3 months ……………and who just celebrated 12 years of blissful marriage.

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