My father used to have a bumper sticker in the garage that said, “The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.”

This seems to be my life story – especially as of late. The more I grow, the more I realize I have SO MUCH MORE to learn.

It’s really hard for me to come to terms with this! I’ve always had the attitude that I’d like to work super-hard at first, get to desired solution, and then sit back. With growth though, it just doesn’t happen that way. It’s never-ending.

I met a guy I really, really respect back in June. He’s super-successful and full of amazing advice. I thought he was absolutely brilliant, wise, enlightened… and then I talked to his wife.

She was madly in love with him, which I expected… but she also told me some not-so-stellar things about him. Things that revealed a lack of confidence, insecurity, etc…

It left me feeling so unsettled!

I know nobody’s “perfect”, but it’s almost like… like, I’ll continue to do this growing… and there will never be a “stop” point. There will always be something I need to work through.

I mean, I could sit back and be happy with where I’ve come in a few short years – I used to tear up (even in casual, party-type situations) whenever I had to talk with two or more people at once. I felt so unworthy of attention. One-on-one I was awesome, but forget about more than that. I used to be ridiculously judgmental and used my book smarts as a shield to hide my insecurities. The list goes on and on…

But now that I’ve gotten past that, there’s whole new levels of things to go through – such as why I’m so picky, why I place my worth on some really foolish things, and so forth.

And I totally understand the benefits of continuing to grow – you raise your vibrations, you attract higher quality people, you can serve more people, etc…

But it’s still hard to come to terms with the fact that there’s no “end goal” (unless you count enlightenment).

I recently did an exercise with a good friend that I really trust. We’re both incredibly into development, so this was a super-fun exercise for both of us. We filled out categories about each other and then about ourselves. We promised each other that we’d be extremely vulnerable, and figured we’d have an average of 1-2 paragraphs for each section.

Here were the categories we used:

Business
Friend Relationships
Love Relationships
Self confidence
Goals in life
Direction
Self awareness
Emotional Life (how in touch with emotions you are)
Character
Spiritual Life
Quality Of Life
Top 5 Challenges
Top 5 Strengths

The exercise was unbelievable. My head’s still going into overdrive – both with the results he gave me (which were incredible, and it’s great to get someone else’s view – especially if that someone is empathetic and intelligent enough to not only see/feel things and put himself in my position, but to articulate them), but with what I ended up writing out about myself.

I realized that I have way more to get through than I ever thought, especially confidence-wise… but I also was given new focus, and understood a lot more. Coupled with some recent feedback I got from someone I met on a message board, and… wow.

The results are going to dramatically improve who I am, my relationships, and my business… which in turn will help me serve others more.

I highly recommend doing this exercise with someone you trust. I’ve read a million books, sites, etc… but very little (the only thing that comes to mind is Warrior Camp) has given me such concrete, power-packed information like this.

I just deleted every single Internet Marketing post I have on this blog.

I’m going to put everything I.M. over here from now on… and make this site all about my personal life, experiences, etc.

I think the separation will make posting in both blogs much more enjoyable.

(And by the way, how awesome is my new layout? )

One of my favorite people, Tajwar Alexander, just sent me an awesome quote that I felt compelled to share. 

It doesn’t matter who your “God” is, it’s the message:

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;…
Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior
motives;…
Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true
enemies;…
Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;…
Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy
overnight;…
Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;…
Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;…
Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be
enough;…
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them… anyway.

Boyfriend Test

Since I don’t think I’ve been attracted to more than 5 men in this freaking country (I’ve been here for 3 weeks!), I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I do want when someone stellar comes along .

I’ve also realized that there are probably 3 men in the entire universe that fit everything I expect.

Now, I’ve always been pretty picky (it’s why I’ve been single for 3 years!), but the more I grow, the more quirky things I expect.

Years ago, I had an Excel spreadsheet that was a potential boyfriend test (feel free to roll your eyes, but my friend made one too – and when she started dating a guy she had rose-tinted glasses with, she gave him her test and realized he failed – miserably).

The traits I used to have were:

Ambitious, Charismatic, Chivalrous, Confident, Educated, Fashion sense, Funny, Good friend to others, Good job, Good listener, Good sexual chemistry, Happy, Has his own interests, Honest, Likes to travel, Not cheap, Not too clingy, Open minded, Positive, Reads, Romantic, Sense of humor, Sentimental, Smart, Spontaneous, Tall, Thoughtful, Well rounded, Will try new things.

Everything had an equal weight, except for ambitious and romantic (they had double weight).

After I went to Warrior Camp, it was an important criteria for me that someone went there too. I think I could let that go now, provided someone pushes themselves out of their comfort zone and has read books from authors like David Deida (one of the most special parts of Warrior Camp was when we did a thought-provoking exercise on the differences between men and women – very similar to Deida’s “Way Of The Superior Man”).

Today, I’d probably switch around a bunch of the “qualifiers” I had before – take some out, add some in. I’m thinking my list would look something like this, in alphabetic order:

Ambitious (not as important as it once was as long as he constantly pushes himself out of his comfort zone)

Blue eyes (ok, ok, that’s just a wishlist item – but usually not attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, hence this Brazilian tragedy )

Cares about others

Charismatic

Confident

Cuddler (Grade A only)

Educated (not necessarily by college, but homeboy has to love to learn!)

Exercises

Funny

Good friend

Good listener

Has his own interests (that he acts on frequently!)

Healthy (Raw foodist preferred since I’ll at least be 80% for the rest of my life, I think)

Honest

Intelligent

Loves surprises

Loves to travel (Love, not like)

No “job” (At this point, there’d be a big disconnect between me and anyone who needs to clock in and out or be at work specific hours)

Not cheap (I hate when people let money hinder them. Need more, make more.)

Open minded

Positive

Pushes me (My friend Jose, who I consider to be one of my greatest personal heroes, never let me get away with anything – and I loved him for it.)

Romantic (Non-negotiable)

Sense Of Humor

Sentimental

Sensitive

Spiritual (Another non-negotiable.)

Spontaneous

Tall

Thoughtful

Well-rounded

I don’t know if I could deal with 80% any more, though – I’m just going to hold on to the fact that someone out there meets 100%.

If you know him, feel free to make an introduction. =)